Sunday, September 17, 2006

7 Thing

With accord to the emperor's favourite number, 7 things:

7 things that scare me
1. Success
2. Laziness
3. Death (mine)
4. Death (others)
5. Being a good for nothing
6. Being broke
7. Feeling totally defeated

7 random songs at the moment
1. Unintended -Muse
2. 出界 -Sammi Cheng
3. 划过流星 -Johnny
4. Friends -Alex/Myself
5. 六色彩虹 -No idea
6. Go West -Pet Shop Boys
7. Nightmare -Michael Schenker Group

7 things that I like the most
1. Beautiful people
2. Songs
3. Playing basketball
4. Talking
5. Staying quiet
6. Being oxymoronic
7. Logic

7 important things in my bedroom
1. Laptop
2. Air conditioner
3. Fan
4. Clothes
5. Something to sleep on
6. Sunflower jigsaw
7. Lights

7 random facts about me
1. I am random
2. I have a temper
3. I can be sarcastic
4. I don't hit people
5. I don't usually do quizes like this
6. I don't comb my hair
7. I like dreams

7 things I said the most
1. Where are you?
2. What you doing.
3. Ya...
4. So?
5. mm... and then?
6. What
7. Hey

7 things I plan to do before I die
1. Get a place of my own
2. a Long Long family holiday
3. Write a song that I really really like
4. Backpack
5. Get recognised for what I do for a living
6. Find somebody I love and loves me back
7. Drown her.

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Success

Success
by Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better
Whether by a healthy child,
a gardenPatch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived;
That is to have succeeded

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Scythe Piper

When the night no longer howls
and the summer's draft dies down,
The pied piper whistles a tune of times now
where mice are led like fowls
into the dark abyss like ghouls.

Night whistles a tune of melacholy
lamenting the fate of whom proclaims holy
the canivourous devourers who murders so innocently
the greedy innocent who devours so blindly.
The scythe piper propagating so holy.

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Yikes!

It's that time of the semester again, and YIKES! My results sucked badly this time. = [

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

2nd Febuary 2006

I always have this tredipidating fear whenever I make a subjective statment. I fear that whatever opinion I make will invariably stay with me forever like a curse. Anyway here it is.

I loathe scriptwriting.

And that's what it's all about... laa la la...

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

sapped, destitute, worned, washed out, and what have you...

PPT, or what chemistry teachers call precipitate: the left over substance after a chemical reaction. Feeling like precipitate now. Bleached. My world is void of colour.

Gaming sucks. It sucks your life, your spirit, your drive, and turns you into a Processing chip, granting the illusion of power when it's actually just AI. It is an addiction. It leaves you empty, you know that yet you want more, like oxygen in a combustion: you burn, yet you pull more of yourself in to feed that fire. Sick.

I recall the times when I'm just lying alone leaning with my stomach on the mattress, reading a book till my elbows hurt. I need to read. I miss the world of make-believe. Somebody pay my library fines for me please...

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Friday, December 16, 2005

Ever woke up from a dream and felt like missing something?
Something that was very real just slipped, and left you hanging onto just thin air.
Something that was enchanting just vanished, and left you staring into space.

Dreams are such fascinating things.
It is so easy to lose yourself in them.
If only there was a pitance of reality in dreams.

It's the time of the night.
Time to start dreaming again.
I wonder what I will have for dreams tonight.

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Thursday, November 03, 2005

I dreamt about you last night,
and i spent a day missing you.
What's up with me nowadays?

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Sunday, October 23, 2005

Milkshakes and strawberries, Long days...

I have this sudden craving for strawberry milkshake, so much that i could smell it.

Tomorrow will be a long day.

P/S: All that i wanted for my bdae was a strawberry milkshake. Yet nobody knew it.

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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Have you thought about the future yet?

Recently, I've been gaming so much I don't even feel like writing anymore.

My sister is a woman who desires success. Today, she says she wants to be earning 5 or 6k by the time she is thirty years old. To me, that is already being very successful in your career.
Then I said I'm going to be earning very little in future, going to be a poor man, and I don't mind being poor. My mom retorted by saying that men cannot say that they are poor.

Hmm, I'm just a simple man.

I don't desire much in life, as long as the four basic needs of men are fulfilled: mainly Sex, Food, Water, Shelter. (Well, actually I'm just quoting the words of Mohd the Philosopher)

I can summerise what I (and most people) really want into two main categories:

1) Something to call your own.
2) Something to whack!


Something to call your own

This category is where all the material needs and wants of life fall into place. Things like "I want a bike", "I want to own my own condo", "I want a BMX", "I want a supermodel girlfriend", "I want Vincent Valentine as my slave", etc etc... ...

A person who owns personal and material things under his name, things which he can call HIS OWN, undoubtably will have a greater sense of achivement and self-satisfaction than the people who has lesser, and the more the merrier.

Something to whack!

Well, I know of a friend who took up Muay Thai kickboxing, another who picked up dance in her
early twenties. We all need hobbies. When work is too tough, we just need to vent our stress somewhere. Some go to the gym (to look at beefcakes), some prefer online gaming. Basically, what we need is an activity that is both enjoyable and serves to destress at the same time. Be it physical or mental, as long as it takes us away from the main job at hand, it works.



Basically, what I am trying to say is that the ideal lifestyle for me is a life where I can work hard and play hard at the same time.

And I hope my (would be) carreer is something which I would enjoy and reap benefits for me, not just financially wise.

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Friday, September 09, 2005

Seasoned Reason in Sesame.

Sometimes when I'm about to blog, I'll think of whether to blog in english or chinese. Unlike some people who can switch comfortably between languages, I always feel a block when switching, like being tongue tied, only that it happens to the mind. Generally, I feel more at ease writing in chinese but don't get me wrong. Both languages are beautiful, just that I tend to think in chinese more. When you sink into either language, it's hard to pull out.

Nevertheless, sometimes men are dictated by circumstances. Due to studying in a more-of-english speaking community, and english written assignments, it would be wiser to practice english writing, as to facilitate better communication, be it in the work I do or in human relations.

So here I am, writing in the language that I grew up in yet feeling oddly distant, so foreign I almost feel like I'm writing in arabic (and nope I don't know arabic). So strangely new (and refreshing perhaps) in trying to pen my thoughts down, like the intrigue a patient with an injured ankle ligament feels when he gains movement flexibility during physiotherapy, like the feeling a blind man gets when learning all over how to read again, but this time with his fingers.
It's like a hobby you lost during your pub-teens years, and picked up again end-teens, and with zest.


Fools in the fray! Watch em' bleed

The strong, known as the Barbarians, rely entirely on their overwhelming strength and endurance, fight fiercely and bravely.
The diligent, known as the Builders, they collect resources and build structures, for protection and survival.
Blessed with the gift of the gap, the intelligent, known as the Magicians; they form councils and win the strong and diligent over with words of hope.

The battle rages.


Either way

Fated are those who believe in destiny
doomed are those who opposes conformity
yet karma gets those leadin' muntinies
Make your own facility
there's no reward for unity.


Tears don't define my years; Ashes to ashes, Dusk to dusk

a tear for the fallen in the fray
and a splint for the lonely hay
crimson glower on the face
casting false hopes with false rays.


Soliloquy: The broken general

Say goodnight, it's the final goodbye.
There's nothing left to try.
The tower's fallen, the men broken.
star light, star bright, the morning light is breaking high.
Victory is mine, so is darkness nigh.



P/s: I'm becoming really random...Call me Mr dice. (crows flying pass, some hovering by)

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Time-Out!

I shall be released from the shackles of NLE after today. Muhahahaha. Alright, time to leave for school......

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Sleep will set me free... from senseless rantings.

Apparently I've been too kind-hearted as of lately, and too frank perhaps. Being straightforward doesn't always pay off in this world. In fact, it usually does the opposite. But at least it's better than being hypocritical.

Hate is a powerful emotion. It can be extremely destructive should anyone attempt to manipulate it. Masks grow on people when there is hatred. It is like a living fungus, surviving by enveloping logic and real love, preventing nutrients from reaching them. Attempts to break the mask, if unsuccessful, will only result in the emergence of an even uglier mask.

I've always been a believer of trusting your own senses and feelings when it comes to judging a person. Logic may fail you, rationality may elude you, but your own senses and feelings will usually not betray you. That is my belief. Two conflicting emotions in my mind are clashing, but they have been gone recently. Just like two people who are quarrelling, and suddenly they hear a proceeding parade through the window and stop their quarrel. For the moment, they stand shoulder to shoulder like best friends watching the parade, forgetting their quarrel. For the moment. But the quarrel is not forgotten, just postponed, just like the two conflicting emotions in my mind. Nevertheless, I welcome the break.

The past week has been busy of late, yet I am resoundingly calm. Calm is the mind, lost is the soul, and weak is the body. I've came to a sudden realization, a simple yet brutally true realization. The fear to confront hatred may be the underlying reason for my inability to hate. How can somebody understand hatred without being able to feel it?

My whole existing being is like a whirling dust ball of confusion. Formless yet unbreakable. I reckon if I continue to indulge and delvge into the depths of raw emotion, I'll probably go insane. Curiousity kills the cat, they say.

Hope will set me free.

A simple life will set me free.

Living in opacity will set me free.

Death will set me free.

I need some sleep...

...before I go insane.

Sleep will set me free.

P/s: Sorry Eush, i'm not going to study for audio. Blame kenso if you want, but i know you are incapable of blaming anybody. *smirk*

P/s/s: My mind is in a mess.

P/s/s/s: Muahahahahahaha!

p/s/s/s/s: Shut up.

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Saturday, August 20, 2005

Ability.

You are afraid to be loud.
You are afraid of being proud.
You are afraid of voicing out.
You are afraid of shining bright.
You are afraid of being put down.
You are afraid of the light.
Yet you detest the dark.
You are afraid of emptiness.
You are afraid of loneliess.
You are afraid of dependency.
Yet you adore companionship.
You are afraid of intimacy.
Yet you seek relationships.
You are afraid of losing out.
You are afraid of feeling down.
You are afraid of shutting down.
You are afraid of performing.
You are afraid of jealousy.
You are afraid of being yourself.

Just what are you afraid of?

"You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down."

Whatever happened to your oozing charisma and overwhelming confidence?
Whatever happened to your ability to lead?
Whatever happened to your will to believe?
Whatever happened to your unwavering pride?

What's the deal with the strings holding you?

-Libradoll?

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Sunday, August 14, 2005

Random Muscles

Was there ever a time when u wanted to write badly, but you just had nothing to write? I'm feeling that right now. While waiting for anime to finish downloading, I just have to find some way to spend the thirty five minutes, and the first thing that comes to mind is blogging. But when you simply have nothing to write, what can you write about?

Let's see, I shall write on the first thing that comes to my mind. Alright, pushups. Push ups it shall be then. not the push ups that women use to prop themselves from an A to B, or B to C cup, but rather the kind of push ups that Men do to punish themselves or rather, their bodies, which brings me to a query which is not quite at the point:

Muscle growth occurs to adapt to the load which is weighing it down. In order for already bulky muscles to grow even more, body builders constantly carry heavier weights in order to stimulate the muscles which have already grown used to a certain weight. Well, I was wondering whether there is a limit to how much muscle can grow, as in the size and strength of it. When this particular muscle is constantly exposed to increasing weights, it grows bigger and stronger; Is there a limit to how much it can grow? The answer is probably yes. But why. How?
Let's surf the net to find out!

P/S: Yeah, i found something to do. End of blogging.

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Monday, August 08, 2005

Shutting down in 5, 4, 3, 2...*zaaap*

I understand that i am a difficult person to work with.
I shut off and stop working when:

1) I am feeling moody.
2) My project mates pisses me off.
3) I am feeling moody and my project mates aggravates the situation by pissing me off.
4) I feel like gaming instead of working.
5) I simply don't feel like working. (i'm the worst procrastinator you'll ever see)
6) I'm in a dreamy mood.

I'm simply just a freaking lazy person who has attitude problems when it comes to work. On top of it, I only work when I am feeling positive and motivated, which is not often.

Furthermore, I'm a stubborn self-centered control freak, it's either me or nothing.
I choose to be nothing.

For world peace.

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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The Schizophrenic

The realist tries to speak out but is drowned in the cries of self-wallowing pity by the self-oppressed depressionist. Somehow somewhere the realist is fighting, but his voice now too weak to be audible in the semi-torn mind of Eush. Soon the realist falls back to sleep, and the other depressed being in him takes full control gleefully. He forms a barrier akin to an invisible mental wall, blocking out and guarding against other unwanted positive emotions, like a sentinal who is afraid to leave his comfortable post which he has grown too emotionally attached and accustomed to.

P/S:WAKE UP LAH REALIST! YOU GOT A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE! STILL WRITING BULLCRAP!

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Reflection in Da Mirror

When you simply ain't focused
an' you feel like bits and pieces
you know it's kind of broken

A Wanderin' soul ain no perfect picture
ain't not something someone wants as a fixture

Perhaps sometimes it's all juz fiction
like a book being torn to pieces
At the end of the chapter
we are all just fuckin' fishes
growin' biggie and ending up as dishes.

It's time to wake up your freakin' idea
look at ya' own reflection in the mirror

P/S:Feeling lost rather recently, juz drowning myself in melodies, currently wishin' for some pittance of reality.

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Friday, July 29, 2005

Wham! A tribute to life.

Imagine yourself on a bike, about to make a left turn at a cross junction, but just waiting there for the red light to turn green. Suddenly and without warning, a truck going at 100kilometers and hour rams into the rear of your motorbike. The bike crumples and skids. It is smashed beyond recognition nor repair. Somehow by a stroke of miracle, you escaped the accident barely scathed. After taking relating your account of the accident to the traffic police, you proceed to the General Hospital for a routine inspection. No one's hurt in this accident and your bike's insured.

Mohd the Philosopher, you are a lucky bastard to be alive. You better thank your stars.

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Sunday, July 24, 2005

Ice Cream

Maybe it's because of you, Ice cream feels very special now.
Tried Chocolate Temptation at Causeway point yesterday: it's very thick and sweet, but not overly sweet.

I just had a passing thought. I can't remember the last time i ate a non-chocolate ice cream. Chocolate ice cream... hmm...

Maybe I need a change of flavour. Can anyone suggest me a new flavour?

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Wind Walk

A walk around the central part of Singapore reminds me how bustling this city actually is. Even deep down in the earth while waiting for the electric train along the north eastern line, I see hordes of school children scurring down the escalator like mice, led by their teacher the bag piper. I see beautiful people everywhere. Somehow it just brings a smile to your face, like how life is actively present everywhere.

A gathering with my ex poly mates made me realized how much things can change. People don't change much, but the big picture changes. It just brings out how capable time is in changing things.

July 17. Hmm, isn't today the school's alumni dinner? I wonder how time have changed the secondary peeps. But paying 40 bucks to see how they changed? Nah, maybe not. Furthermore, the teachers whom i want to talk to have mostly left.

"Even the seas of Neptune could not watch the blood off your hands'' - From "Macbeth"

Just reminded of an incident in secondary school. Alright 6am... high time to sleep. Hmm you should be deep in slumber now. Hope you are smiling in your sleep. Hope I will too. Cheerios.

P/S:Opps it's actually 16thJuly.. hee

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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Two types of people

When a person is caught up in his life, he tends to care more about the events and things which are unfolding and happening around him. Such a person would be engaged mostly in things which are pratical and hold realistic values in his life. That is when you can see that a person actually has a so-called "life".

Conversely when a person is caught up in himself, he could be subjected to external emotional influences, care more about the people around him. Onlookers usually deem them as more sensitive people. Such a person usually likes to engage in philosophical and so-called "intellectual" conversations. He may be the type who holds more value in certain personality traits and character qualities which cannot be seen and measured distinctively.

The first one is the Fighter, the second the Philosopher.

From what I believe, the Fighter usually fares better at the pratical aspects of life, including the financial and career aspects.

The Philosopher spends all his time in his study room, trying to figure out the meaning of meaning. He may not be as well-to-do or as happy as the Fighter, but he tends to possess greater knowledge in the other less noticed aspects of life.

At the peak of a mountain, there lies a manual to enlightenment. It holds the teachings of a great philosopher. To ascend the peak, there is only one route. The passage is fraught with great danger. If he wants to survive the route, he has to possess the qualities of a fighter. When he obtains the manual, he will realize that throughout the tedious journey besotted with barriers, he has already gained certain wisdom and experience which are what the content in the manual is more or less about.

The Philosophical Fighter is born.

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Thursday, July 07, 2005

Face the Trials

It's high time you face the truth. There is a good news and a bad news.

The bad news first: You are a perpetually broke, eternally procrastinating, musically uninclined unhealthy idiot with a will of jelly living in a dazed world.

Guess what? The good news is, you can change all that!

Now, what are you going to do about it?

*smirk*

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Aims?

People around me seems to be focused on achieving their dreams and living their lives. Darren has his "Five Years Plan", Yano has her own list of "To-Dos", the Master is working to become a "Somebody", and the Philosopher has got his own "Shoes" finally and is working towards his "Umbrella". What about my dreams? Remains to be said, i guess.

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Drifting Techniques

Sometimes i get so caught up in myself that i don't even know what's going on around me, and the world passes me by and nothing gets done. Is this even a good thing or bad thing? It is obviously bad on a productive level but on the other hand, if one does not even understand oneself, how does one seek out to comprehend the world? Beware, that this entry is not going to be very pretty and organized, as as far as you may know, yours truely was never really a person who thinks in an organized manner, and also being on a long haitus on my long abandoned blog has somehow dulled my quill nib, if it was ever sharp in the first place anyway.

Constructive VS Productive

Does productive writing means constructive writing? Not neccessary. Constructive writing informs usefully and favourably whereas productive writing brings about just yield, it can be bullshit for all anyone cares.

However, based on Eush's subjectivity Theorem, where "Anything existing may be a victim of subjectivity", when applied to the world of reading materials, however contructive a read may seem to one person, it can be a total waste of time to another. It can be due countless factors, one of which would be personality, which in turn is influenced by the nature of the growing environment and the characteristics of the upbringers, which in fact can be changed over the passage of time when the individual goes through the various rites of growing up. Take myself for an instance: when I was in adolescencehood and looking at the specifications of the milk power which brought me through my first year at least, or looking at the chemical make up of mama's lemon detergent, I have no clue of what they meant for alphabets had not made their sense to me yet. The period of time when all reading is obsolete, but that is totally besides the point. From my young teenage years to the later years, I "progressed" from enjoying reading brocures, instructions manuels, self-help books to think Dan Brown's novels, "intellectual" musings by fellow bloggers and what have you. Material which I used to enjoy in the past, I may not enjoy it now but it does not mean that I would not enjoy it in future. Which leaves to say, there is actually no absolute right or wrong regarding constructive reading, when it is actually all a matter of preferences, which are actually a kind of psychological habit, and your individual personality.

P/S: I am drifting a lot in the direction i'm writing in, partly due to the unearthly hour that i am up at now, and perhaps partly due to the recent craze about drifting technique in "Initial D the movie", or maybe it's even due to the advertisements sending sublimal messages to my subconscious telling me i gotta drift in order to be as "cool" as J the rnb prince, which in turns affects my brain to send nerve signals to my fingers to type the words which i do not mean to convey. Opps i drifted again. Ok not funny...it wasn't meant to...

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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

20 reasons why chocloate is better than sex.

Some people say laughter is the best medicine. So potent that it may even bring the dead back from the grave.

I found this on Cheeseburger Calvin's blog. This is so funny it tickled me silly, kept me laughing so much I want to share it with people, yeah people like you.

1. You can GET chocolate.

2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without
upsetting your work mates.

11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

16. Good chocolate is easy to find.

17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

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Monday, January 24, 2005

Sick blues

An average person spends between 5-8hrs each day in bed sleeping...

I, for the past few days, spent 5-8hrs awake...

Why?

Because i am Sick! Sick! Sick!!!!!!

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

"I believe i can fly"

Today was quite an eventful day.

Arranged to meet jayzson at queensway shopping center to do some shopping and guess what?

Three stops short of reaching the rendevous point, the 961 bus i am on banged into the side of a blue car, which was halfway through the side road leading to macdonald's drivethru. Upon impact, the blue car somehow crashed into the back of another blue car.

Result: A dent each for each blue car; a very bad day for the driver.

For me, a road accident doesn't mean much. Not very interesting stuff; cars bang into each other everyday. It's the human drama that unfolds moments before, during, and after the car crash.

I was sitting at the fourth row at the right side of the bus, just behind the seats that faces each other (strange arrangement, wonder why there is the need for seats to face each other... perhaps the seats are lonely... Anyone knows why?), with the exit door kind of to my left back and front door kind of to my left front. Although i'm in my semi-conscious state (buses are perfect for short naps), i'm aware there are two young teens sitting behind me, probably in their fifteens or sixteens, who are on a date which i realized due to their conversation (interesing stuff...), 5-6 basketballers to my left front, and a group of middle-aged middle class chinese men speaking in china-accented mandarin (okay, they are chinamen i realized).

Due to the fast reaction of the driver (or the lack of it), upon realizing he has collidied with a car, he jam braked the bus. Just like what happens in movies when a bus jam brakes, people fly. In slow-motion, one of the dozing basketballer dived head first (yes he really dived!) all the way from his seat and headbutted the glass panel at the front of the bus. Following him, an old man glided (yes he really glided!) feet first and joined the basketballer. During that, i could see the fellow basketballers reaching out in vain with their outstretched palms, all in slow-motion. Amazing stuff. Luckily for me, my ass is heavier than my brain, so i was still firmly seated throughout.

Result: An uncle with a broken and bleeding toenail; a great bump on the head for the dozing basketballer.

As with human nature, curiosity arises. The basketballers became curious whether rubbing their friend's head would push the bump back in. The uncle became curious whether tissue paper could stop the blood. The miscellaneous became curious about the accident. Voices were raised. Comments were passed. I became curious about the curiousity. Everyday also got road accident wat, why so curious?

Following which i overheard the girl telling the guy,

Girl: Lucky i didn't fly.

Guy: You won't. I would hold you tightly first before you had a chance.

Girl: Have you thought of what if we both died in this accident?

Guy: I told you i will protect you.

Cheesy stuff, but i like it!

Then there is this man who was sitting besides me, he was one of the curious people who stood up to see the accident more clearly. Once he stood up, an auntie who has been standing for ages promptly sat down on his seat. She sighed. A sigh of relief from aching legs. (i think) Interesting. I thought aunties would be more kpo then men. Obviously i was wrong.

After sometime, we had to be let out of the bus. Then i walked briskly to the next bustop under the unfriendly sun, which during then a china man tried to chat me up about the accident. He seems excited. I didn't really hear what he said, as i was more interested to get out of the sun then. But since i didn't want to be too rude, i patronized him with my patronizing laughter. Hahaha. Then i turned back my head and continued to walk more briskly. Behind me, I could hear him chirping away with an auntie.

See? Disasters brings people together.

P/S: Parenthesis are fun! Abuse! =]
P/SS: I still need a fourth basketballer for the polympics, help!
P/SSS: I need more time to procrastinate my assignments, HELP!!!

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

Dumb strucked

"The greatest distance of all, is not the distance between heaven and hell, neither is it the distance between the two ends of the rainbow... It is the distance between you and i, when i am standing right in front of you, and you don't know i love you. "

“世界上最遥远的距离,不是生于死的距离,不是天各一方,而是我站在你面前,你却不知道我爱你。”

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Huimin:“伟铭,你有忧郁症啊?”

Me:“蛤?没有啊。”

Huimin:“我看你打一场球,打到这样伤心。”

Me:“哈哈哈。” 我牵强地笑了一下,然后就转身回家去。

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今天是第二次看到她,在黄色灯光的篮球场上,场景和作天一样。

我第一眼见到这女孩子,那时她正在打一场三对三的比赛;而隔着半个球场的我,当时就只站在那儿发愣,仿佛一座艺术雕像,脚板好像还长了根驻在石灰里。脑袋瓜忽然感觉很重,虽然里头一片空白。记得爱因斯坦好像曾经说过∶人脑有着无限的可能性。虽然这样说可能会有点莫名其妙,但我觉得人脑不止有无限可能,它好像也有无限的容纳空间。一个成人的脑袋大约1.3到1.4公斤,但我敢肯定,当时浮现的记忆至少有十倍以上。

回忆是如此沉重的东西。

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Monday, January 10, 2005

One good memory at last

Just a while ago, I was reading maddox's page and one of the things among Maddox's Hates List, are People who always seem happy. It makes me think whether i am one of those people (not that it matters to me whether i'm on his hate list), as i vaguely remember more than one person asking me how i am always happy.

Having lived in the body of yours truely for twenty-one years, i know my own moods best. I have my own down times, and people who knows me really well, knows that i tend to think about and get depressed over non-relevant, totally random stuff sometimes. I realized that rather than being recitent about sharing our depressed thoughts and feelings, we ought to talk about them to somebody (or something). It sure helps to neutralize the negative feelings. Then i was trying to recall my happy moments in life when a wave of nostalgist hit me It dawned on me how much i missed the times spent with Nix, KH, and company at Piano Bar.

After listening to bullshit by brainwashed peaheads and sweeping the road and drawing/laminating lame classified documents during the weekdays in camp, one tends to really look forward to weekend book outs. I'm normally not a person who likes to go to dark places to drink because i'm a coward who's afraid i'll get giddy and after that do amazing stuff i'll wonder about and regret later. Things like:

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Bob: Hey eush, you sure stunted us last night.

Me: Oh what did i do? i can't really remember...

Bob: What? You mean you don't remember peeing into the beer mug and toasting us with it?

OR

Pierre: Hey, she sure blew you off last night eh, We were all stunted when you hooked up with her...

Me: Oh yeah man, i think i totally lost it last night. But boy was she good! With her 23" "snakewaist"...(rattles on)

Pierre: Wait a minute, you mean pig waist??(tries to control laughter but eventually gives up) You walked out with a *inserts equivalent of pig* last night. HAHAHA

Me: Wait a minute! potato tur...(voice trails off) *Silence*

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Of course, all of the above didn't happen to me. I can get really high when i drink, but never lose myself unless i wanted to (yeah right that's what everyone says. read: foolhardy rape victims... so learn a lesson somewhere ya women?)

But back to the point, it happened that during those days, an BPGHS ex-classmate KH came into contact with me, and it happened that we both liked to sing and drink, so it just happened KH has been hanging out at this ktv pub at boat quay called Piano Bar at that time, and one day i just happen to decide to join him and his friends at Piano Bar. Since then, we got stuck. Everytime i met KH, it has to be at Piano Bar.

Piano Bar isn't really the place with the great decor and stuff, but we had great times there, although it's just a small and cozy place. Come to think of it, those were truely happy days. Sigh... How i miss them.

P/S: Way to go Eush, you just spent your time writing insignificant things when you could be organising your storytelling journal... Damn constructive...

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

OooOOooOoooo Totally Random 345dinyb98ph;

I blew 53 bucks at ktv today! One of the most expensive ktvs i've ever had. Just kept extending and singing until partyworld closed shop. Help! I'm a ktv addict; i just can't say no to ktv. The moolahs are leaving me. Can i sell anything? hmm.. nothing. ahh.. help

What's up with the term word vomit nowadays? What's the etymology of the term anyway?More and more new lingo springing up...

And what's up with the tsunami deaths recently? Either people are overly concerned or i'm just overly indifferent. People die everyday. What's the big deal. If you want to help the departed ones, try to live your life better, treasure your life more. Help them make up for their lost time caused by the untimely departure.

The philosopher just left for the land of elephants for a month. My weekend buddy is gone, making me very free nowadays. Someone please ask me out. So bored......

Rain rain rain... I can't play basketball... arghhh~!

Anyone wants to join Polympics basketball? I need a team... Winning chances are slim but just play can? sigh...

I see sad faces in school everyday. People are like taking turns having the blues. Can i cheer anyone up? Anyone needs cheering? I can dwell in the upsetness together with you too. I don't mind sharing. My soul is hungry for emotions!

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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Life's a Joke

I've been trying to make things better. I think i'm trying too hard. Perhaps i've been looking at the wrong places. The thing that i really need or want, it's just right in front of me, but i've been failing to see it.

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Sunday, January 02, 2005

The man without a face

He: "what did she say in the end?"

Me: "she said no sorry"

He: "what?!"

Me: "yar.. she said no sorry"

He: "Wat? nobody says no sorry to me and leaves just like that! "

Me:"erm... relax lah, let her have a bit of upperhand nevermind one wat. We can easily gain the upperhand if we want to. It's just a snap of the fingers"

He: "NO WAY! I want the upperhand now! This cannot end here! How can she dare to not give me face!"

Me: "You said you are a man without a face wat... so nevermind lah, she doesn't know the real you anyway."

He: "Oh yeah, right..."

My best friend Mohd the philosopher claims that he is a man without a face.

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Friday, December 31, 2004

Filming Rocks!

An eventful but nevertheless a fruitful and happy day.

Loc vid today was gay and fun with the group's chirpiness and seriousness, and jia hui's so cute... woo hoo... although filming was slow and ardious today, with problems arriving one by one such as location problems, equipment problems, rain, and audio interferences.

Sometimes, we can be fustrated, irritated, and sullen over problems, but in the end things will work out fine. Though I personally felt that there's not enough shot variety. I.e. not enought different camera angles, but overall we all did a good job in co operating with one another.

Wendy's attempt at directing is well... i would say pretty well done... it's very tough answering questions and not lose one's temper/patience. If i were the director, i would have just asked everyone to shut up. I'm almost hopelessly impatient when it comes to teamwork. Roy was professional in his role as lighting cum sound man, doing what has to be done, while Isaac was meticulous in logging and making sure things were well... nothing left's out. For me, i hope i didn't screw up too much as the cameraman. Although i love my job, i have to admit wendy is more steady at the panning and zooming stuff. After the production, i'm still very confused abt many technical stuff, especially with the audio setup and monitering. Sibei jialat.

Can't wait to see the videos tomorrow...

This semester has been slack till now. Assignments and projects are starting to pour in. This semester is more about understanding and analysing the aesthetic aspect of our job i guess. It's pretty interesting and definately challenging.

I am feel my personality shifting again. *sigh* Once again, i'm confused with myself. Bullshit.
I suddenly feel the need to sleep, it's 2:26am...

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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

I feel

Talking to Wendy never fails. She cheers me up. Thank you Wendy =~

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Sunday, December 26, 2004

Semi-deranged State of mind

Dear Diary,

Here i am again. How have you been? I guess you can't answer me... *sighs* Over the past year, hearing my rants about life... it must have been tough on you. I have something to tell you, I wonder if you are a human being, will you be still as willing to listen to me? Actually, being a friend is not hard at all. You just need to listen. Everybody has their problems. Who can't talk about their lives? Talking about yourself is easy. Everyone likes attention. It's the listening part. Who is really willing to share in your problems? To lend a sincere support? Sometimes friends may not be able to help in realistic terms, but at least they are willing to listen...... it's all about the companionship...

Anyway, i told you i've got something to tell you. I think i'm treading on dangerous waters. I'm missing someone. I haven't really missed someone for a long time. The dangerous thing is that i don't think it is just a mere infatuation. I'm deeply attracted to her. Talking about serious liking here. I don't know... How does she think of me? I'm not really sure too. My first love once told me, "...What defines a couple actually? People nowadays are like... you want companionship? i give you companionship. you want support? i give you support. You want intimacy? I give you intimacy. So what is really love?..."
That coming from a fifteen year-old girl...... i really liked listening to her because just like me then... she thinks a lot. Wow, suddenly i realize that i really did think a lot of cheem stuff during my 14-18 days... A LOT. Anyway, well... suddenly i have nothing to blog about... So i shall conclude.

Thanks again Dear Diary, for relieving me once again... =]

P/S: Sometimes i wonder whether i'm psycho. I think i'm weird in some ways. My attitudes and opinions on certain things, but my chionging buddy used to always say to me when i'm high, "If you can still walk straight and ponder whether you are drunk, chances are you are not drunk yet". So perhaps chances are i'm not psycho afterall...

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Haircut

I finally went for a haircut today. It's much shorter now. So much that i'm feel a tad insecure and is already beginning to miss my shaggy unkempt hair. I feel fresher however, feels like my head has been cut into half, now that it's so much lighter. It's kinda refreshing actually, but it seems like i'm not going to be able to try tying my hair until a very long time...

Has it occured to you how time flies especially when you are enjoying it? The third week of school has already begun to end. Sad isn't it? At each end of the day, after i am done showering and am resting leisurely on the all so familiar sturdy steel purple armchair, typing my thoughts into blogspot, thoughts about life and stuff, events of today which will very soon become yesterdays'; i ponder casually to myself how interesting life has been. Isn't it not remarkably ironic and dispiriting, that while a boy forlorn of hope is trying to keep the girl of his dreams happy despite knowing that she does not like him, another boy and girl somewhere are playing hide and seek and silly mind games, despite the fact that they both have a thing for each other?

*A little girl echos from afar in a haunting, errie, yet melodic voice*
"Treasure your time now, for if you should die before you wake..."

I cannot emphasize this enough. Everyday, just like usual everyday, from 8am to 5pm, then from 5pm to 8am, every hour, every minute, everyone. We wait. We are all waiting to die. Therefore before your death hour, treasure your time. Every bit of life is precious. Remember your happy moments, so that you can look back to these times when you are down. Remember your sad moments, for you won't cherish real happiness if you don't understand sadness. be brave, be bold. Love with your heart, hate with a vengence. Life is short, just like shakespear said about life, we are all but actors on a stage. Give your best performance then! A man's got to do what a man's got to do. Living without effort is like love-making without pleasure. Both are equally boring. What's the point? Everyone should well advocate nike's TradeMark, and so we shall follow! "Just do it!" Go go go go go go!

P/S:I just realized an interesting function from google.com and certain major search engines, they actually can translate! Meaning translate chinese-page to eng.. jap-eng blah! want to know how? go explore!

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Saturday, December 18, 2004

Life and dreams...

他不过是一个简单的男生,拥有着自己想追逐的梦与人生。偏偏在现实的逼迫下,他不得以地放弃了他的梦想。

自幼,小铭就对音乐有着一种无法理解的好奇心。每当听小铭听到从收音机播放着的可人诱耳的曲子,他就会不由自主地兴奋起来。 从忧伤曲里的忧郁与凄美到摇滚乐里的释放情绪,让小铭在他幼小的心里感觉到前所未有的感动。音乐到底有着设么魔力,竟可以让人在音符中诉说他们的故事,亦即感动他人。

转眼之间,小铭随着岁月成长, 成为了一位青年人,一个在别人眼里再普通不过的年轻小伙子。但有如童年时,小铭对音乐的热诚并没有减半,反而与日俱增,差点就成为了他生命里唯一的生存意义。但是不幸的,理想与现实往往都相克着对方。由于小铭出身平凡,家境并非富裕, 在这个年头,当谋三餐都还是个问题时,正统的音乐教育并非是每户人口能担当得起的而外开销。虽然小铭的双亲都认同与支持小铭对音乐的热诚,但毕竟小铭是个明白事理而懂事的孩子。追求艺术梦想是理想,而填饱肚子是真理。对一个明白事理的人而言人,当理想与真理碰对头时,他选择了舍弃梦想。尤其是小铭现在正属于求学阶段,为了不给父母亲添上无味的负担,这决定对他来说其实是个再好不过的良策。

P/S:放弃了学琴,并不代表我放弃了音乐。我承认虽然我是个懒惰的人,但我对自己的良知发誓,有朝一日我一定会完成我的音乐梦想。

P/S: A pity, but i quitted my guitar lessons... It doesn't mean i give up on music though, just that it's time to take certain things off my mind, hopefully to focus more of my attention to studies...

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Bored...

Looking back at some of my posts, i find that some things i written seemed awkward or simply doesn't make sense. This happens because sometimes when i post, i simply do not think properly, i write what i just feel like at that point of time. When i do that, usually my thoughts are in chinese, so the grammer conflict between the two languages leads to wierd ramblings to the reader, sometimes portraying Eush logic: logic that only i understand. Afterall, i am no professional writer. And afterall, a blog is somewhat like a semi-private diary, sometimes you write for otheres, sometimes you write for yourself, and at other times, both.

There are times when i wake up in the morning and i wonder the reason for my place in this world. I would muse to myself in a corner and think about all the weird philosophies and theories that constantly run through my mind. When i look at people, i feel superior. I wonder whether there is a god, and wonder whether he placed me here to enlighten the poor fools trapped in their own bubbles. There are also other times when i just feel plain stupid, especially when i get my grades. Then reality takes over, i realize i am a mere mortal of flesh and blood. I have to eat and drink. I have to breathe air. Then i'll wonder whether i am born for greater things or should i just be content with being a "farmer" and living a simple life. (The 'farmer' phrase was learnt during my 2 years stint in the army. There were two kinds of officers then, regulars and nsf:meaning non-regulars. For the regulars, those with degrees were classified as 'high-flyers'. Promotion for them is considered relatively fast, as for those who signed on with an 'A' level cert or a diploma, they were called 'farmers' as they had to work and toil their way up like a farmer, slow and taxing. Filtered through my brain, the 'farmer' phrase slowly evolved to mean: "A man who doesn't mind living a simple life, doesn't hanker for great achievements nor power nor monetary assets. A simple man who simply earns and pays his dues." Meritocracy in Singapore? In the private sector, yes perhaps, but in the army, nah. Bullshit.)

When i left army, i thought i had attained enlightenment. I was willing to live in recluse and become a monk. After just a semester in Ngee Ann poly however, i begin to slowly realise in shock that my will of iron has been broken. Determination has ORD-ed the day i ORD-ed. My Logic and reasoning is slowly leaving me, leaving me with only bullshit and crap. Less and less do i have those clear headed nights when i think about my life and the road ahead seem clear as crystal to me. Fog clouds my mind instead these days, where smoke alcohol and vices cloud my sense of logic. My mom is a superstitious woman. She believed in "feng shui", god, fortune telling and the likes. My mom told me when i was young, she took me to a number of fortune tellers, which unfortunately i could not clearly remember. Out of these few professionals who makes a living communicating with their sub-conscious, one said i was an indian general in my past life, while another said i was a woman, thus explaining why i looked better in a skirt than my sis did when i was young. One fortune telling session which i vaugely remember, he tied many strings to himself in a incence filled room, and "invoked" the black white hell guards up. It scared the hell out of me that time. I was about nine or ten years old i think. The "invoked" said something to my mom, which she translated to me when i was older that i was born with two routes in life, one is to become a blah blah.. (i forgot what), another is to become a monk. Sometimes, i do ponder. If i weren't born in this era in this place, chances are i may really consider becoming a monk. Afterall, i do feel out of place with the lot in this world.

Emotions, do you think we know emotions when we were babies? I guess not. Why do we possess so many interesting emotions when we grow up then? God-infused? Our genes developed it as we grow? Perhaps? How about we were taught these emotions? How about actually in fact, we all learn how to "feel" by observing and sub-consciously we react to situations with reactions which we observed others did. Therefore the emotions don't really belong to us. We are just reacting chemically and physically to a gesture/speech/action, just because we have imitated from young, and our bodies and minds are programmed to react accordingly. Then again, what if somebody is left out of contact with the human civillisation from the moment he was born? With nobody to learn(imitate) from, how would he in contrast to a "normal"person, react supposing when he saw someone being killed in a car accident. Well i don't know. Perhaps he would have no reaction. Or he would just see the killed person as food? Since no values were taught to him, but he would be definately different. Another senerio. What if a person was brought up normally, but he was so different from the rest, he always had a different emotion for a similar situation. However, he understands the working of the world and he doesn't want to lose friends as he seeks companionship. Therefore he pretends. He blends in. He programs himself to "feel" like the rest. He laughs at jokes which to him are merely words forming a stament, sometimes fact, sometimes imagination. He behaves manly with guys, he curses, swear, learn to talk about things he isn't interested in. He learns to love, to cherish, to accept the values and perceptions which have become the norms in society. He becomes like the rest. In return, he sells his real self. I wonder how many of us are actually like that. I try to think, but i can't think too deep, for an emptiness always take me. And if i let the emptiness take me, i don't know what will happen, whether i will be strong enough to return.

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Saturday, December 11, 2004

Random thoughts

The first week of school has ended
Everything's great but for one regret
In fifteen weeks we will all seperate
No matter what now you may say
There's no point living in regrets
So for memories' keepsake
Please i beg of you all
Cherish your fifteen weeks
Treasure these memories
For it will all be gone too soon
Things do not last forever
Therefore i will remember
Unless i contract amesia

P/S: Too lazy to arrange my thoughts, so i just write in short form... I wasn't sleeping during SAB, in fact i found it rather appealing. However, well, we'll see... the tutor is kinda draggy indeed.

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Late

I was on 961 bus on the way to woodlands interchange. I looked through the bus windows; the fleeting people, cars, and buildings were tainted with a bluish hue. The lights in the bus suddenly flickered on. I turned my gaze to the passengers in the bus. Their grey gloomy faces were illuminated by the pale and sickish yellow lights. Their faces were comforting to me. I looked at myself. My hands and feet was slowing turning yellow too. I felt extremely relaxed as i merged into the yellow bubble for once. The world outside still looked blue. *sigh* I closed my eyes and relaxed. I fell asleep as the luminous yellow 961 bus took me safely back to hermit hill.

Sunflowers are yellow, the sun is yellow. Yellow is warm. The rain is blue, the sea is blue. It is cold. To me, the bus is yellow, the world is blue. I am an escapist. My character is such that when the world is yellow, i am blue. But if i could, i would like to to cruise along the blue streets within the comfort of the yellow bus.

I reached home from school at about 7pm yesterday. Although i only had two hours of sleep last night, it did not stop me from powering on the laptop. After half an hour of MapleStory, i heard my mom saying, "Eush, there's food in the kitchen." I nodded. Then she added, "how's school today?".

"Maplestory is fun. Oh shucks, there's a patch in half an hour. Grrr.." I replied casually.

To me, school is work. MapleStory is play. I am an escapist. My character is such that when i have a choice between work and play, i would choose play.

I slept too early last night. 9:30 PM. That is why i woke up late this morning. 7:30AM.
My classes start at 8 AM. Shucks. School is an hour away from Hermit's Hill.

To stay at home when you are late is to miss out on learning. To turn up despite being late is to risk enduring a chiding. I am an escapist. My character is such that when i realize i am going to be late for work, i will choose to not turn up completely.

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Thursday, December 02, 2004

After a fortnight

Hello, I am back to blogging. I have been living in MapleStory for the past two weeks. Only in my dreams do i live in reality: the irony of a gaming addict. My memory seems to be covered by a thick fog, i can't seem to remember much. Perhaps it is due to my irregular sleeping habits.

During this timeframe, i have broke my previous record which was set only not so long ago. I became a hermit for six days! Six whole days without seeing real grass and trees! It begun when:
Upon discovering MapleStory on a certain thursday, i was hooked instantly. Returning home from Virgin Sucides(a school chalet) on Sunday, i took a shower and sunk into Maple Land. From there on, it is...

Wake up: Late Afternoon-Maple(Mon)
Sleep : Next morning 7-8am(Tues)
Wake up: Late Afternoon-Maple(Tues)
Sleep : Next morning 7-8am(Wed)
Wake up: Late Afternoon-Maple(Wed)
Sleep : Next morning 7-8am(Thurs)
Wake up: Late Afternoon-Maple(Thurs)
Sleep : Next morning 7-8am(Fri)

well......
u get the point.

I clocked an average of 14 hrs a day in Maple Land. Amazing.
After about 2 weeks in Maple Land, i decided it is time to come home. Afterall, school is starting. Addiction got to take second priority. So guys, I won't be MIA anymore. *crossed fingers behind back grinning evily*

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About NNT's badminton gathering last week. *sigh* I really do miss NNT, but i guess NNT will never be the same again.

Donny got to know this girl called Rabbit during his days in junior collage. After army, he went to university. Coincidentally, Donny went into the same course as Rabbit. So did Cougar, one of Donny's closest friend. As fate would have it, Donny and Cougar both fell in love with the same girl.

Donny was one of those whom you, if you did not know him well enough, would call a mule. He possessed the stubborness of an Ox. Furthermore, when you combine his facial features together, they somehow resembles a cow's face. Most people would think twice about approaching Donny just because he looked arrogant and cold.

But being one of his closer friend myself, i observed that behind Donny's forbidding exterior, lies a gentle, funloving, and kind soul. He appears headstrong but is actually a softie inside. From far, Donny may look like a monstrous bull, but when you go closer, he is actually a harmless and silly donkey.

To prove my point, in fact i once dared Donny to chomp the grass on the sidewalk, well i laughed my head off. He actually took up the dare. Ahh, but that's another story.

Conversely, Cougar is someone who looks frail on the exterior but actually is a shrewd and cunning businessman. With his uncanny ability to place facts and logic before emotional pull factors during any dilema, i deduce that that if cougar does not become a scientist, it will a loss to mankind. Great loss indeed. Point aside, Cougar is the kind of person that you would not want to find on your enemies' side.

When you put a Donkey, Cougar, and Rabbit together, what could possibly happen?
Donny, being the donkey he is, was obviously no match for Cougar. It would seem that Cougar had won the day. However from Rabbit's perspective, she found Donny too dull and Cougar too cunning. Guess what? Rabbit hopped away to find greener pastures, while Donny and Cougar became competitors, still racing after Rabbit.

*sigh*

Thus, NNT is NNT no more.
End of Story.

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I can't remember how long i've been missing guitar lessons. Money's awasting, so much for the resolutions. School is starting in four days time. The feeling's weird. I don't know what to expect. Holiday life and school life seems like a thousand miles apart. When semester one ended one month ago, my legs felt heavy. Like a sailor stepping on hard solid land again after a tiring voyage at sea. The impending day is like another voyage. I feel refreshed and exicted but now i feel more burdened. Like a crewhand suddenly promoted and ladden with extra responsibilies.

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Friday, November 19, 2004

A little drop of life

I wrote a wonderful story about the journey of a little droplet of perspiration. How it teetered perociously at the edge of the cliff at the ending of its life and how it was brought back by the atmosphere for "recarnation"... and i was thinking of a hell lot more of interesting things to write when..... i lost the whole 1k words when i held "shift" and pressed "up"... Everything suddenly disappeared....... into *nothingness*. BLANKS!!!

This is not the first time... it seems to happen no matter how careful i am... Pisses me off....
damn damn damn...
Pui!
Idiot...
Sprained my ankle today... and Lost a blog entry... how sway can i get...
chicken turtle tongue soap
AHHHHH!!!!!!!
no mood to write anymore
i go read comics....

P/S: Looking at the title of this entry brings tears to my eyes... sob sob..... my droplet!!!

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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Bloody shit

Holy cow, i hate being 21... everything i sign is under legal judgement...
damn.. just received a call.. i'm going to be billed
bitch..

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Sunday, November 14, 2004

Yabayaba

Due to the addictiveness of Red Alert II, i found my handphone screen staring grogily at me this friday morning. The time was 7am. I was awoken up by the handphone alarm after barely three hours of sleep. I had an important decision to make. The decision was important because it will adversely affect how i spend what is left of the majority of the school holidays. Thinking of ware houses reminds me of PSC. *sigh*

I could, for one: idle time with friends outside in the afternoon till i return late at night, after which i would spend the time reading books, surfing, eating, chatting, and occasionally practicing the guitar when the mood hits. The chain of activities would hold up until first light when my 100/100 vision will begin to blur to 1000/1000. Soon i will find myself in dreamland, dreaming of pretty girls and delicious bread. This vicious cycle would continue until the day school reopens, which is when i would painfully and cruelly bring myself back to "reality" time zone.

The second alternative: Sweating it out in the warehouse everyday for nine hours(lunch hr included) and earning a few hundred bucks in the process, in the end finding the money gone in probably a week, and usually i wouldn't remember how i spent it.

At the thought of warehouses, i started to imagine milk powder tins... then cows... udders... *thud*

Blink. Blink again. I must have sprained my neck when my head fell onto the fluffy pillow, when i fell into dreamland. Because i felt a sharp muscle ache on the back of my neck when i tried stretching it to look at the time on the handphone screen held loosely in my hand.

"11:45"

What the hell. Oh well. Choice number two i guess. I slumped back into slumber.

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The bespectacled and boyish looking Yellow Head was scruitinizing the contract carefully. First page... Second page... With brows frowned, his eyes stopped at a clause highlighted in bold.

Should you wish to leave or resign, you are required to give -ABC pte ltd- 1 week's notice or pay -ABC Pte ltd- one week's remuneration.

He looked at her. The female officer sitting opposite him just raised both her arms and shrugged. You could almost see the mocking look in her eyes. With a sigh, Yellow Head took out his cheque book and signed. "two hundred and eighty-six dollars only". With a tear in his eye, Yellow Head handed over the cheque to the female officer who upon receiving the cheque, beamed a wide smile and marched out of the room triumphantly.

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I woke up with a jolt. I looked at the time on my handphone, which is still in my hand.

"15:00"

I stepped out of bed and fumbled around the paper-cluttered desk for my working contract. Ah, there it is! Tearing the envelope hastily, i turned the contract to page three and began to read. My sleepy eyes began to widen, as they began to focus onto two sentences somewhere in the middle of the page. Typewritten in bold fonts it wrote:

Should you wish to leave or resign, you are required to give -ABC pte ltd- 1 week's notice or pay -ABC Pte ltd- one week's remuneration.

Oh No.

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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Yoz! hi, wanna watch SCV? ;)

You T1B3-ers....! Dun wan to watch SCV with me right....=\ Nevermind, i finally went yesterday~~~~ Yeah!!!! The place is not bad.. the main room, toilet, Mirror, windows with invorigating view in the morning when the curtains are drawn open... plus the lighting v cozy and nice.. good place to just slack... Cheap also... Feel bored? There are a few pubs in the vicinity and so many coffeeshops i gave up counting them.. good place to snack and talk cock... want convenience, Got 7-11 all ard.. Can da bao what you want back... Not bad at all sia~

P/S: Muahahhahaha you guys don't know what you missed out, serves you right!! hahhaa!!!

Every morning when i wake up and look into the mirror, i see a face which i cannot admit to. Once i knew happiness when i had a flawless complexion, now i find only dispair. Reality bites. My complexion is bad.. getting from bad to worse, especially with hair falling all over my face and plus my lack 0f care... Oh man... really tempted to clear the haystack... I wonder whether my perseverance is really just stubborness... Pui! Will i ever get back my complexion??!?! haiz...

P/S: I know i never really had flawless skin, but i like to think of it that way. Please let me deceive myself can?? ;P

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Saturday, November 06, 2004

SHUT UP!!!

See the title YELLING at you? Yeah, that's what i intend to do to people who irritates me or talk crap to me when i'm not in the listening mood... Hope you don't catch me in the wrong freq~

Suddenly realized i've been overly concerned with some of the petty and less important things in life. Who cares what others think of you; who cares who the hell you are... Everyone's got their own lives to live! I've got to admit to myself, yes i've gotten over you, but you are still somewhere in my heart. You can say that in a way i still love you. It'll be forever i guess... Yah yah don't have to guess... nobody knows who i'm talking about..Those who knows won't be reading this...

I've been busy "hermitting"(Keeping away from the outside world a.k.a Real Life by stoning and slacking at home) these few days. When was the last time i spent 3 days at home without stepping out of the house? It's been so long I simply cannot remember... Incredulous~!
Sorted out some thinking through...I tend to think a lot.. crazy... Illogical and senseless, nonsensical and irregular, and out of the world thoughts... all kinds... I really wonder about my chain of thoughts... Am i abnormal??? Or does everyone likes to think of "crap"? Well i do feel lost, very lost in fact...

Spent last last weekend at Sentosa with Alex and the Eve-JoceLyns. Nothing much.. Just chilled out...and yeah, they are together finally...the two lovebirds.
"Pontenk-ed" guitar class last weekend and went SCC camp... reached on sat noon just when they finished the ice breakers~ I'm just on time! heng ah!!! Xiaokang didn't come... quite disappointed.. Found out later she was on holiday in China.. yeah~ SCC camp kinda boring anywaz... The camp was from sat till mon, i left on sun noon... Basically i can summerise what i did there, hmm...
1) Sat noon: MP.. followed by a treasure hunt which was cancelled because it was raining elephants and dinosaurs... smoked out to KAP and listen to john talk cock... he's a sincere guy... Talked abt plenty of things, although not all are interesting... some things he said were crap, but the way he said it with the serious expression, made it funny shit...(juz to be sure..if ya reading this john, no offence) wah liew hahaha... a "smoky" bbq in the late evening... went outta school for supper at night with the guys, the camp was so sianz i had no mood to talk... after tt went back n slacked n slept..
2)Sun: woke up had breakfast and left 5 mins before Noon..

yeap.. now is 4:35am .. guitar lessons in 11 and a 1/2 hrs time... sleep...

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Sunday, October 31, 2004

人的一生会遇上的四个人

Gigi forwarded me this URL, some meaningful philosophical stuff.

http://wang-yuan.nease.net/wygs.htm

人生就是为了找寻爱的过程,每个人的人生都要找到四个人。

第一个是自己,

第二个是你最爱的人,

第三个是最爱你的人,

第四个是共度一生的人.

首先会遇到你最爱的人,然後体会到爱的感觉;
因为了解被爱的感觉,所以才能发现最爱你的人;
当你经历过爱人与被爱,学会了爱,才会知道什么是你需要的,
也才会找到最适合你,能够相处一辈子的人。

但很悲哀的,在现实生活中,这三个人通常不是同一个人;
你最爱的,往往没有选择你;
最爱你的,往往不是你最爱的;
而最长久的,偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的,
只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。

你,会是别人生命中的第几个人呢?
没有人是故意要变心的,他爱你的时候是真的爱你,
可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了,
他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你;
同样的,他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你 。

当一个人不爱你要离开你,
你要问自己还爱不爱他,
如果你也不爱他了,千万别为了可怜的自尊而不肯离开;
如果你还爱他,你应该会希望他过得幸福快乐,
希望他跟真正爱的人在一起,绝不会阻止,
你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福,就表示你已经不爱他了,
而如果你不爱他,你又有什么资格指责他变心呢?

爱不是占有,
你喜欢月亮,不可能把月亮拿下来放在脸盆里,
但月亮的光芒仍可照进你的房间。
换句话说,你爱一个人,也可以用另一种方式拥有,
让爱人成为生命里的永恒回忆,
如果你真爱一个人,就要爱他原来的样子─爱他的好,也爱他的坏:
爱他的优点,也爱他的缺点,
绝不能因为爱他,就希望他变成自己所希望的样子,
万一变不成就不爱他了。

真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的,
你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏,你都希望这个人陪著你;
真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守,也就是没有丝毫要求。

毕竟,感情必须付出,而不是只想获得;
分开是一种必然的考验,
如果你们感情不够稳固,只好认输,
真爱是不会变成怨恨的。

两人在谈情说爱的时候,
最喜欢叫对方发誓,许下承诺我们为什么要对方发誓,
就是因为我们不相信对方,我们根本不相信情人,
而这些山盟海誓又很不切实际:
海枯石烂、地老天荒,都不能改变我对你的爱!
明知道海不会枯、石不会烂、地不会老、天不会荒;
就算会,也活不到那时候。

许下诺言的时候千万注意,不要许下可以实现的诺言,
最好是承诺做不到的事,
反正做不到的,随便说说也不要紧,
请记住:”不可能实现的诺言最动人”
在爱情里,说的是一套,做的是另一套;
讲的人不相信,听的人也不相信。(我却偏选择了相信你的诺言,因为真爱是没有谎言的)

你呢?找到了第几个?

茫茫人海中,你遇见了谁?谁又遇见了你?

你,

虽然说你有可能都已经忘记了我,但是对我而言,你是一个我永远都无法遗忘的人;
我依然爱你,

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Cheers!

Cheers to Yuxing who drank with me!
Cheers to Jiayu, Hexian, and Humphrey who were there too!
Cheers!
CHEers!
CHEERS!
CHEERS TO OUR LIVES!!!

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 21st birthday Eush! =]

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Raincoat

雨衣

街上人群拥挤 我躲在角 落望 着你
望着你在他怀里的甜蜜 我叹息
手中鲜花握紧 像似玻璃做 的心粉碎
鲜红玫瑰花瓣掉落满地 我转身离去

在无情的雨中 我披上了你送的雨
衣脸颊上的水滴 是雨 还是泪滴?

好想再淋一次雨穿
着你送给我的雨衣
感觉雨滴拍打在背心
身体却不沾半点水滴

好想告知天我有多么想你
你离去之后没有人能砖进我心里
你送给我的那份情意
埋没我踏过的足迹

在无情的雨中 我披上了你送 的雨衣
双手依偎着自己 沉溺过去
我 是如此不堪一击

P/S:First collaboration between Eddy and Eush. Hee hee

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Monday, October 18, 2004

Mee goreng

Dear Diary,

I look into the bleak night sky and i wonder. There's so much... space. How vast is the sky? Imagine. I cannot visualize the amount of space that is out there. So black, so mysterious. I am so small, so insignificant. Yet in this dark and vast space, we exist. We think. Wow. Life and it's mysteries. It's something i can't stop thinking about, something i can't figure out. Less than a century from now, i will cease to exist. But now, i have a voice. I have a life. I shape my life. Life doesn't have to be complicated. Eating an apple is enjoyable. Riding a bus is enjoyable. Looking at the blue sky is enjoyable too. The simplicities of life. Truely how many take joy in them? The hustle and bustle of modern living is taking it's toll on people so much that it is hard to see pure joy from the souls buckling under the burden. Money is evil. Yet it is neccessary. It brings organization but dulls relationships. Speaking of money. The holidays are here. I wish i have more money. I want to spend more time with myself. I wish i do not have to work, but i need to eat. Stoopid money. Why can't it drop from the sky. Wishful thinking. Why can't i just be down to earth. *sigh* i want freedom. I want to fly. *sigh*

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Saturday, October 16, 2004

TheBoringLifeOfKenso-3.1

-Scene 3- 不良少年事件 (netball staring incident)

Cast: Ah lians(abt 15 of them)
Evonne (leader of ah lians)
妖女:Lei, Bugs bunny Poh, 花猫, 白骨精
Kpo Seniors (3 guys)

Setting/Background:
After Lei found out about kenso’s secret crush on her, there was silence between them. Furthermore, with the constant teasing from Poh “Oh look, Lei 的情人!” an air of awkwardness developed and thickened between the two of them. Kenso felt ridiculed. Part of him also felt that he could not match up to Lei academically. He could feel the 妖女们 and Lei’s mocking eyes on his back and teasing laughter whenever he walked past the gang. Kenso was resigned to embrace mockery for the rest of the semester.

Event:
During lunch break one day, a group of Ah lians sashayed into the class and out of the blue, Evonne demanded, “Hey where is Lei?” Lei seemed confused,一脸盲然。

“Who is the Lei who stare at me during netball huh?” Upon the second outburst, the 妖女们 straighted up from their slouching positions all at once; everyone who was in the class was also kinda stunned by the sudden intruders. Lei could feel many pairs of eyes focusing on her like spotlights. Evonne and her gang continued to sashay over in the typical ahlian pattern, glaring at the 妖女们 as they moved.

“Kwa simi kwa, never see chiobu before ah!” The妖女们 jolted as Evonne stopped and banged her fist on Lei’s table. "Netball practice that time you stare what stare har? Your skin is itchy, is it?"

The girls were clearly intimidated by the sudden confrontation. Bugs bunny Poh and白骨精 was keeping very quiet; even the usually nonchalant花猫 was looking jittered. The atmosphere in the class was extremely tense. Most of the class members looked on with creased eyebrows, awaiting and anticipating Evonne's next move. In the background, the flustered chairman can be seen running out of the class looking for the form teacher. At that critical instant, Lei suddenly stood up......

P/S: What is going to happen to Lei? I'm lazy to write more... so... it'll be out in the 2nd part... perhaps tmr~wahahah...Or do u wish to write for me? You can send me your credentials at Eush Publishing , as usual~

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Saturday, October 09, 2004

A Sky without stars and moon

Reading emotional entries on other people's blogs make me emotional. I get emotional easily since I tend to think a lot when alone. Perhaps sub-consciously, that's one of the reasons i seek company. Now feeling damn sianz. She's attached. What the hell. Don't have to tell me right? However, I am truely happy for her. Congratulations. =]

Semester's coming to an end. Life indeed has it's own pecuilar ways of imparting it's lessons. A person has many selfs. One of the hidden self in me is the philosophical and serious Eush that very few people see. In school, that side of me shall never be displayed. Laws of conformity. LoL. On another thought, maybe i am just plain childish. Who knows. There was this one time when i thought i was going to lose myself, the real me. That time had passed. Now, i'm just afraid that the real me will not have a chance to show himself, and continues to hide himself until he loses his sanity and lies dormant forever.

P/S: I'm not insane. I'm not depressed. Guess how i feel now. I write in short sentences. Kinda moody. That's all.
P/SS: Perhaps i should just let my tears flow when i want to cry, laugh when i want to laugh, keep quiet when i don't want to talk, and flare up when i am pissed off. Reminds me of joyce. Wouldn't i be like a kid then? A mad one somemore......Opps.

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Monday, October 04, 2004

Healthy and Fulfilling

Tonight is one of the nights when i become enlightened and decide to do put more meaning into my life. After the usual coffe session with Bro Jaysonz two nights ago, we have came to a conclusion on several things.

1)Men are fucked up
2)It is very likely that i will not get any A for this semester(esp after today's audiot test).
3)No use crying over spilled milk.
4)I have to learn not to be rude to people.

After some self-brainwashing, i've decided to set some resolutions/goals for next semester, in order of priority; they are:

1)Try to become a responsible and hardworking chap
2)Yes, devote some time to that guitar...*stares intently at the coffin in the corner of my room*
3)Try to be more courteous and polite to everyone(or most)
4)Start bike lessons... as usual, the 'i want to get a bike licence' thingy has been constantly on my list of to-do things from 2 yrs ago...I'm just putting it here, i don't expect it to be acomplished, as usual.

In order to achieve them, i have to sacrifice certain low-value activities and items which i continue to have them simply for sheer pleasure. I'll miss them. Time to quit:

1)Fags (Negative benefits and high cost, they'll have to go!)
2)Hanging out in the arcade(KOF!) Kenso-1997 to 2003. If you play KOF on a regular basis, you are either:in primary or secondary school, a professional gamer, or a compulsive KOF addict who can't stop playing once he starts.I'm have to leave the scene for some time. Sorry to all of you peepz who have accompanied me through sad and troubled times, happy times, all sorts of time... I thank you for accompanying me throughout my growing up years. A tribute to Athena, Iori, Kyo kusanagi, Yashiro and your band, and many many others. I do not know when or whether i will be back at all. Fate shall decide if we will meet again; as it has always been.
3)KTVs. No more Karaoke chionging... once in a long while is ok though..(bryan n michelle, you two are hilarious!)
4)My Nocturnal lifestyle

So for next semester, my life will primarily be like:

Healthy and fulfilling


WAHAHAHAHA!


P/S: Among all my friends, i don't have any whose resolutions actually realize. I wonder whether people make resolutions just to prove to themselves they are reflecting from time to time... However, I am very determined to make my resolutions come true!
P/SS: Fever's gone after 2 days, but cough still there... !@#$%^&*(
P/SSS: No mood to write story sorry.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Normal Blogging.

I woke up at 1115pm today. These few days have been so empty and free i feel weird. There's nothing to do. No homework, no emo probs, and no constipation. Just had durian ice cream wrapped in bread, half a mooncake, and a glass of tap water to wash down everything. Breakfast. Interesting indeed.

Actually wanted to go kite flying and relaxing today, but realized that socpsyh assessed tutorial 2 is due on thurs, so decided to finish it up today and enjoy myself tomorrow. My job is to go over to my neighbour's house and interview their maid. The thing is, i feel anti-social today. Don't wish to make new friends. Currently listening to Bon Jovi's "Always" and Air Supply's classics like "all out of love", "goodbye". I just feel like blasting the volume, lie on the bed, stone, and think about life. Or perhaps just think about nothing. The point is, i don't feel like doing anything. Retro classics always have this relaxing effect. Somewhat hypnotic but relaxing nevertheless. They always go well with a cigarette, char siew pao, or a can of coke.

Semester is ending soon, only about 2 weeks more until everything is over. My sentiments about t1b3 and school? Plenty but disorganized. So if i were to write out the exact things running through my mind, it probably won't make sense to you. Listening to "If i ain't got you", Alicia Keys. Nice song. Thk you isaac for recommending me this song.
Nothing further. Out.

P/S: Oh yea, since you have so much time on you hands eush, u better pick up that guitar and practice~!

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Monday, September 27, 2004

Why Men Flirt.

马戏团,驯兽师将头放进老虎嘴中,老虎却咬下他的头,只因为驯兽师早上割破下巴,伤口渗出了血腥味;虽然老虎早在上工之前已经吃饱,攻击性大大降低许多,但那还是无法改变它身为野兽,与生俱来的本能,闻到血腥味,还是让它会产生攻击的欲望,这是无法责怪的。 (无法责怪的!)

就像有些男人生来便注定要做花花公子一般,明明身边已经有了女朋友,却仍会不知觉的搜寻猎物,那个道理之余马戏班里的老虎差不了多少,你问他为何嘴里吃着,手里挟着,眼睛还要四处扫瞄着,他只会这么回答你,"那是我与生俱来的本能,我就是会不由自主的为美女怦然心动,我就是无法不去移动自己的双脚向前搭讪"(我们男人是没办法的!),因为他永远确定那个女子会不会是他生命中百分百的Miss Right,他也就不确定自己以后会不会再碰见那个女子,所有的疑惑只能靠他亲身去证实。

就像那只老虎,虽然它已经被驯服,却仍保存着荒野上的惯性,能吃就吃,因为不知道下一餐会是在几天后;而他无法停止寻觅,正因为也许就有那么一天,他突然瞎猫碰上死老鼠,真遇见了那个Miss Right也说不一定。(都说是无法责怪的了!)

<禁馨,我的Mr.Right。2000>

P/S:以上代表着我个人与禁馨小姐(因该)对于风流男士所持有的看法与解释。不知道对于以上的短篇,你又持有何有趣的见解呢? 请不再犹豫,把你的看法传给Eush Publishing ,让各位读者分享你宝贵的意见吧!
P/SS:Sorry english readers, i have a chinese side of me that sometimes i'll have to the urge to express too...
TheBoringLifeOfKenso will continue to be up on Wed...=]

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Friday, September 24, 2004

YueLi 红

Yeli 呀 神灵 Yeli 呀YeliYeli 呀
Yeli 呀 神灵 Yeli 呀 我一定要找到她。。。
Did I see you on the bus today? Or were my eyes playing tricks on me? If you are not a figment of my imagination, i am amazed at how are now; how you have resisted conformity to the rest of society's evils. If you are indeed not a figment of my imagination, i hope u saw me. I did see something try to spark in you when our eyes met for a split second. Or was that my imagination again? Perhaps you did remember something. Perhaps, little cutie. The untainted apple.

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Abandoned

Hey i like this.

Let the raindrops fall
Batter on her face
Washing the grime away
Soaking the silken dress
Slippers of glass she tightly clings
And she waits,
for even eternity
she waits...
See her now, raindropz rolling softly down her cheeks.
She smiles and says "i don't know fear"
Is that rain or is that tears?


I am on the high now. I just completed my IAC project worth 50% alone! Actually no, there are still the survey forms left to be printed out and filled in. damn. Socpsyh test today... well, i can't say it's hard. It's just that i've chosen sleep over study the night before. Can't blame anyone. Reap what you sow. Pay peanuts, you get monkeys. A slacker and a perfectionist do not mix. They do not work well together. I am both. Wahhahahaa! More on the slacker side... Opps, opps... the scale has tipped.

-Libradoll

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Kenso is dead.

Sorry, there will be no posts these few days and for the next few days until i get my mind off social psychology and IAC at the very least.

P/S:ahhh, phoTog assignment 2!!!

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Saturday, September 18, 2004

If I should die before I wake.

I could had cried myself to sleep tonight but i did not do so. Instead i chose to sob silently in the shower. The tears felt hot in comparison to the water even though the heater was on. My lungs hurted from too much fagging. The feelings felt so bottled up. I almost couldn't breathe. Now that i have cleared my mind, it's time to write.

If i should die before i wake,

Mum,

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. Even if i apologize 100000000 times, even if i go through the pain of bathing in boiling oil 10 million times, even if i go through the pain of being cut up by rusty and blunt knifes and re-sewn 1000 million times, i still cannot undo all the wrongs i have done you as your child.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. Even if i shout thank you 1000000000 times until my throat bleeds and i go dumb, and continue shouting my thanks until eternity, even if i give you all the money in the world, even if i cut myself everyday until the day i die, repaying you in blood, i still cannot repay what you have given to me.

I have not been a filial child. You have given so much to the family and me. I really don't know how to repay you.
Love, child.



Why do i have to meet you peepz?
WHY WHY WHY!!!

Roysten Chan,

I find myself similar to you in some ways, or perhaps i should say i find you similar to me in some ways. Your determination and fighting spirit puts me to shame. I am late. I will wake up.

Joyce Poh,

You remind me of something in someone dear i have lost. Your innocence intrigues me. Your pureness and honesty attracts me.

Oliver Kahn,

You often go out of your way to help. You are so nice sometimes, your kindness amazes me. However you can be stepped over very easily; the world is ugly. Please beware.

Wendy Chui,

Happy Wendy. Everyone has his own troubles but your ability for suppression and shrugging unhappy things off deserves respect. I wish i can be Happy Eugene too.

Sylvester Stallone,

You are so full of passion and optimism. You are someone who will always be there for your buds. A superb buddy to have.

Bryan,

Nice ass. I know michelle loves it.

Banzai to JL!

From this instant onwards, schoolwork will take top priority. (It's not to say i will be hardworking, but i'll ban myself from playing before i finish work.) Guitar lessons will be next in line. Play will be last. My desire for "LnL" will have to hold on. hahz! Sorry to myself.

"All work and no play makes John a dull boy." Shucks. Who would bother anywaz, i'm pretty dull in the first place...

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Wednesday, September 15, 2004

TheBoringLifeOfKenso-2

Just some thought on school life until now. School is like your sluttish girlfriend; it is a love-hate relationship. You complain about her ways, yet still lust after her. I stayed over at worm's house last night, so no post for yesterday. Sorry peepz~ Anyway, i was practicing for the monthly performance for today. It was quite screwed up. Being ill-prepared and nervous is not a very good combination. Damn. I will try again next month, Banzai to the undying spirit of the samurai!

And cheers my fans! Here's TheBoringLifeOfKenso-2!

-Scene 2- 小惠(crush on Lei)

Cast: Lei (Tigeress in class, quiet when left alone, but whacks guys without
mercy when provoked.)(Appearance-Use your imagination)
3Misc girls: (Together with Lei tigeress, they make up the 四大妖女 in class 201.)
Lee: A blabbermouth and class sotong(meaning blur).
Poh: One of the 妖女s, special attribute is her cartoon like voice.(imagine bugs bunny)

Setting/background:
During sec 1, Kenso used to detest Lei for being so unfeminine and fierce. Both of them bickered whenever they interact. Kenso never understood why someone could "love" using violence so much. He disliked her so much that both no longer talked. Contradicting as it may seem, somehow after the year one holidays, Kenso developed a crush on Lei... As wise men like to say, only fools fall in love~
Kenso had an organizer book he brought to school everyday. Recorded inside are the tel no. and addresses of his friends and classmates. Kenso wrote comments like "best friend" in pencil beside "KH Ng tel: xxxxxxx", "Intelligent and quiet" besides "XiaoLi tel: xxxxxxx", the top student in class...

Event:
"She's not so bad afterall" "外刚内柔, 有内涵.. hmm.." Kenso mumbled to himself while nodding his head. Gazing at Lei during class has became his pastime in class. All these while, Kenso kept this sweet secret admiration to himself.
"Ringgg~" Recess bell rang, class emptied.
Went for recess and back to class early as usual... Kenso looks around the class and sees the cliches hanging around gossiping as usual. Class hasn't started. He walks back to his seat and realizes with shock that Lee had rummaged through his bag. Lee had passed Kenso's organizer to Poh. Poh was reading aloud to the 妖女们 in the organizer: "Poh, bugs bunny voice...wah he say i got cartoon voice, kaoz. Lei, '梦中情人'." Poh eyes widened. 妖女们 giggled and laugh. Lei appeared a little awkard. Kenso was fuming with anger when he stormed over. Lee was holding the book now. "Gimme back" demanded kenso. Lee just laughed and said "dun wan la, let the others see 1st.. hey why u...". Lee never finished his sentence. Kenso punched Lee in the stomach, Lee rolled onto the floor with disgusting saliva drooling all over the floor.. Kenso grabbed the book and ran out of the class...



P/S: The author of this blog has decided to release the story on a weekly basis. Meaning to say you can only see the plot unfold every Wednesday. Sorry my fans, no point groaning...=P The rational for doing so is to build suspense... yup, ya know what i mean. However, any groupies out there who are infatuated with my work, and can't wait to know more about "TheBoringLifeOfKenso", feel free to email me at Eush Publishing. I'll try to arrange something, but at a price of course... ;) (don't worry, i promise i won't ask for money)

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Monday, September 13, 2004

Song Tonight.

Red alert status has been on since yesterday night, finally ending at 5:10pm today. 1200 words essay... "Go away!". Sorry my fans, really feel too tired to write anything tonight, so decided to post some lyrics for yours truely, and perhaps able to invoke some thinking in some of you. Enjoy.

只为了握着你的手

从来只在猜测你心情
来不及你已经是过去
泪里还流着你的记忆
都还来不及擦去就倾盆大雨

是我太在乎你的心情
为何我仍然在犹豫
你不可能为我清洗
流了累了被你伤了洒的泪滴

每天每夜每时每秒都想念你
没日没夜没法控制我的思绪
日记本中每篇每页都刻画着孤寂
今晚夜里梦里希望能感受你的呼吸

无止境的等候
只为了握着你的手

P/S: Any comments are truely welcome, just no personal insults thk you. =] If u r in SCC, and u'll like to sing/play/do melody for/arrange this song, juz drop me a mail at EushMusic

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Sunday, September 12, 2004

Yeah~ i skipped test

Yeah~ i skipped the test today, was too sick to go......

After visiting the doc, i was at CCK today enjoying a nice conversation with my buddy Jayson when i received a call on my mobile. I couldn't remember the exact details but the exchange went something like this:

-sees Roy's no. on the caller ID-(Roy is a classmate in FSV. He is a great person to turn to when i have enquires about schoolwork. Firstly, because he really goes out of his way to help in details, and secondly, he keeps up to date with assigment deadlines. I'm bad at dates. Anywaz, back to the call...)

Me: Hello.

Strange female voice: Hi is that Eugene?

Me: (confused) Er yes, may i know who's that on the line?

High-pitched female voice: Hello, this is mrs Choo here.

Me: (in a state of shock but still manages to be calm) Oh mrs Choo! Why are u on roy's phone? Are you sure you are mrs Choo?

Mrs Choo: Yes, i am. I'm using roy's phone to call you. (duhz~) Why wasn't you here for the test this morning?

Me: Oh...oh ya, i got MC. (almost fumbles on words)

Mrs Choo: Yes, what's wrong with you, what are u suffering from?

Me: I got diarrhea. ( calmer now, trying to engage some sympathy) Actually, my stomach was churning the whole night, didn't really sleep well. Is there going to be a retest?

Mrs Choo: Yes, there's a retest. (thinks for a moment) It's next blah blah.. ok that's it bye.

I'm a scaredy cat. I cannot take many surprises. Like reaching home one day and finding a hot sexy babe in my room, or finding a cute sixteen year old on my bed wearing one of those japanese sailor-style uniforms smiling sweetly at me. I'll burst. (The arteries in my heart i mean. I love my bed, and when people i dun know just sit on or abuse my bed without my permission, i'll flip.)

Mitch: Great impersonation. I admit i was fooled.
Roy: It must have been tough on you to control your laughter, a pat on the back for that.

To summerize the day, i've made a little analysis:

Decision: Skip test.
Result: spent $28 on MC as the polyclinic was closed by the time went there. Got pranked on by classmate impersonating as lecturer with the intent of freaking me out to get a good laugh out of it.
Lesson: Polyclinic closes at 12:30pm on Saturdays. Be wary of high pitched women calling you saying they are your lecturers. For all you know, they might be friends playing a prank on you.

P/S: Yes i know there's a grammer mistake in l 15, subject-verb disagreement... it's on purpose. Mitch has bad grammer... =P

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Saturday, September 11, 2004

Stress and Me.

I'm not in the mood to write much tonight. The test next morning keeps bothering me, to the extent every minute and second, a ringing voice in my head keeps chanting "study socpsy, study socpsy, study socpsy, study socpsy..." I think i'm losing the motivation to study. Bad timing, especially when the semester is 5 weeks to closing. It's not as if there's a ton of workload in school, just moderately Okay. That's why although on the surface i can still whine abt the "piling workload", but deep inside me i know that the stuff they throw us is actually managable. It's even more stressful when you are scoring OK until now, so anything less than a B+ will kinda suck, yet i know good grades don't come with blogging and surfing the net reading idle stuff the night before. Damn.

P/S: Stop chanting u idiot! ahhh!!!! the voice inside my head is killing me.
(edit 0146) P/SS: OKOKOKOK! i'm getting up to study, U can stop whining now...
(edit 0151) P/SSS: STOP IT! I'm already trying to study! I'm going to slit my wrists if u don't STOP.......and i mean NOW

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Thursday, September 09, 2004

And there he is, up the penalty box. It's a...it's a...IT'S A GOAL!

The commentator's volume rose with the rising tension from the players on the wet and muddy field. The soccer match was into its final minutes. Jersey no. 10 swept back his thick and wet fringe, plastering it neatly onto his yellow head. He closed his eyes and mumbled a silent prayer. "For Writ Comm!" The tanned striker bellowed to the wildly-cheering fans whose emotions were escading by the minute.

"Beepppp!" the red plastic mouthpiece protested sharply and loudly in defiance to the air forced into it.

Jersey no. 10 took several paces back and exhaled the nervousness from his lungs. What fear and uncertainty that might be previously present was now replaced by the unwavering determination in his eyes. He started striding, picking up to a full gallop as he raced towards the glossy white "Fifa" ball.

"Boom!". The ball seemed to be shocked by the foot which striked it so suddenly and farted thunderously in exclaimation as it whizzed towards a man wearing yellow gloves. The man with creased eyebrows was focusing at it so intensely the ball could feel his gaze burning on it's synthetic skin.

"No, you won't have me for dinner tonight!". The ball thought as it swerved away just in time to avoid the clutches of the goalkeeper. "haha." The ball beamed with satisfaction as it hit the net and landed with a soft thud on the ground, proudly displaying it's name to his enemy as though it was some war medal. "Damn it...". The keeper cursed.

From the other side of the gallery stands; the commentator was once again up in his work. "Once again! He scored! Beautiful goal it was! Can he bring Writ Comm through the season to the finals? We shall see. Meanwhile, cheer for him folks! No. 10!"

Eush stripped off his number 10 jersey and grasping it in his right hand; he waved to the fans, basking in the fans' cheers and the comforting drizzle.


P/S: Scored for written comm today, 27/30 for grammer test. Cheers!
P/SS: Female fans who are interested in obtaining my no 10 jersey for personal collection can email me at GreatEush for enquires. Pls include a recent photograph and state three reasons why u think u shd get the jersey. If you simply want the jersey so that you can wear it while i am making great love to u, u may choose to omit the 2 other reasons.... I promise to get back to u A S A P. =] Have a good day!

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TheBoringLifeOfKenso

Act one-遇见

-Scene 1- 车站(kenso meeting anon in the bus)

Cast: Kenso(nerdy n quiet)-sec 2
Anon(looks cold but cute those rebellious 小妹妹 kind)-sec 1

Time: 7:05 am, when students r rushing to sch... cool morning
Setting/background: In a crowded feeder bus packed with mostly students. Kenso standing near the farecard machine @ the front door holding on the handrail. Anon @ same place, looking sleepy...(not holding anything for support)

Event:
Bus very rocky, suddenly jerks... Anon fumbles and looks for something to hold on to. She appears flustered...Notices a hand and grabs on to it for dear life. Kenso thinking, "hey, grab so hard you think my hand your teddy bear ah?" Kenso takes a side glace at Anon. Anon looks back. Their eyes meet for a second. No expression on both sides. Both looks away. Kenso continue standing. Anon continue holding tightly to his hand until the bus reaches school.
Students alight.

P/S: Stay tuned...there will be more to come, my fans...
P/SS: Anyone interested in turning this into proper writing? with proper grammer, imagery, paragraphs, and stuff. This shit is gold man, gold! Send an email to Eush Publishing . Pls include your credentials, annual income, and a piece of your sample work if you have one. For the unfortunately species not born with the MIGHTY piece of meat between your legs, also include a recent photograph of yourself and your vital statistics. I promise to get back to you asap. (i'm not a sexist) :P

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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Happy updates.

Some happy updates:

I scored 13.7/15.0 for Audiotech written test. It was well deserved because I studied eight hours straight for the test. Hohoho, realized that Joyce got 9.4/10.0 for her audio practical test. It's T1b3 highest if I'm not mistaken. What an outstanding tutor I am... ermm~(clears throat)

After the small dose of endorpines, it's time again to analyse this week's school schedule. The following days of this week are going to be quite stressful. There are major stuff which are due soon like the informative essay, WebCG, Socpsyh test on Sat; and little things like IAC's family assignment and Socpsyh norm-breaking exercise; not forgetting SCC meeting and audio Recording on Wed....... Woah! That's quite a lot of things to do. Yay~ stress makes me happy. Damn.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Overdue

Ahh~ this is way overdue... Sometimes, i don't even wanna think abt it..
How do you tell someone tt you don't like tt person anymore without huring his/her feelings?
No solutions so far... i guess it's inevitable~
I hate it... i hate myself

Have some courage!
Just do it~
wimp...

but there will be consequences and repercussions, it won't be the end of it!

If u don't end it.. the inner torments will never end... duh~

i've sinned... will i be committing another sin? My soul will never be pure~

There will be Life after Death. Do not fear child...

I'm getting carried away... wahahaha! I have to sleep, procrastinating sleep will lead me no where. Same goes for writcomm... i Better settle the journals and essay outline tomorrow!
*snores*




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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I took bus 52(edit: bus 51) with Joyce from funan centre area. After she got down, the bus continued en route to hougang interchange. From there, i took bus 161 to woodlands interchange and reached home close to 7pm. Ahh.. beauty sleep on the bus....ahahaha

The written audio test today was not as hard as i thought. Missed out quite a number of points anyway, but i guess it's normal for your memory to fail you when you try to cram ten chapters the night before from 1am-9am. :P Am i efficient, man... Hope to get a B at least haha.. i don't demand excellence, not when i don't put in the required relative equivalent effort.

Anyway, for Written Communication, WCPatrick wanted a more precise thesis statment. So i dumped him this:

The American failed to break through the defenses of the Vietnamese during the Vietnam war because of three reasons: the overconfidence of the US military operations commander in Vietnam from 1964-1968 William Westmoreland, the teeth-gritting determination of the defending communist Vietnamese troops, and the territorial advantage over the invaders in terms of on-the-ground knowledge of the battlefield.

Damn precise already. I hope i can start on the 1100 word essay soon.

School work is starting to get to me. A good sign indeed, since i know i'll get back to slacking soon as i'm a born slacker.

I gotta catch some sleep. Fatigue is taking over me...ZzzzzzzZzzzzzz

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Monday, August 23, 2004

Tomorrow morning's audiotech test looms nearer as time buzzes by. Went all the way to Tampiness to study juz now in the hope something productive can be achieved today, or rather, yesterday since it's already into the wee hours of Monday morning. Enjoyed the day throughly although i wouldn't call it productive. It dawned upon me recently that i've been slacking too much, enjoying the blissful student life too much. Its interesting to note how fast guilt catches up on me compared to the past; must be the age... Oh I really should be studying now. Let's see how i fare for tomorrow's test. Burn!

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

Hey I'm baaaaacck! =]

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Dreams

I was supposed to start work as a data entry clerk yesterday, when i reached there for the briefing, i was told that they would not take me anymore as they had enough people. Fine, but the thing is they had already confirmed with me that i got the job and CONFIRMED that i would start work on monday, i even called the agency a few times to double confirm. Empty promises... shucks... I could have taken another job.... income gone.. need to find another job, boring........


I had a wierd and nice dream just now, dreamt that i was in school, i can't remember the school but it was come sort of mix between secondary and tertiary; we wore our own clothes but classes were held on a fixed timetable in a fixed classroom. The classroom was very spacious and special but dreamy, like what i would expect in a dream haha. I think the doors were inaccesible because i remembered i went into the class by climbing through the windows. Saw a few familiar faces. A few of my secondary classmates were in the same class, they were gossiping and chatting as usual, the teacher for the period was not here yet. I made cheeky expressions to some who seemed surprised to see me and took a seat at the 3rd or fourth row. The table i took, there were no adjacent tables joined to it, just a single table and a lonely chair.

There was this girl sitting alone in front of me, somehow i saw that she looked familiar and quite pretty. She had this jap hairstyle, near-shoulder length hair, dark chocolate brown highlights with irregular fringes, wispy hair, very nice in an abstract sort of way.

I kept looking at this vaguely familiar and attractive girl, until the teacher came in. I can't remember the name of the teacher in my dream, the appearance of the teacher, nor the subject that was taught, only that the teacher was male.

My attention was focused on the stranger sitting in front of me. Then the scene skipped, and i was talking to her. She introduced herself as Chen Shufang. "Chen Shufang...." oh! She was a primary school classmate. We used to play this slapping game in class. I used to tease her constantly, and she would slap me and i would become angry and slap her back, making her cry. Haha. Kids... It was with great pleasure and surprise that i realized her identity. She remembered me too. I was so exicted i was beaming all the while. I ruffled her hair to make sure she was real, and touched her face, asked her whether the slap was still painful. Then i realized how smooth her skin was, and how delicate and beautiful her features were, she still looked the same but somehow became prettier. I think in the dream i fell in love with her. We chatted about old times as if the teacher and class was non-existant. That's the good part about dreams, the settings that were no longer need will fade away by themselves. I was carressing her face, gazing at her dreamily when my handphone rang, I stood up from the seat and took out my handphone, the alarm was ringing and the time was 12:50.

I turned back and saw my unkempt bed, still holding the ringing handphone. Shufang was gone. The classroom was gone. I'm standing in my bedroom, awoken by the alarm that i set with my own fingers.

Exasperated and devastated, i went to sleep again in search of my lost dream. Drifted in and out of dreamland, but no class, and no shufang. Gave up finally and woke up at 3:20. Damn dreams.

If you had a dream, what will you dream for, my friend?

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