A lonely Season Sun 3:37am

Dear Diary,

Just did a short quiz to see whether i am more artistic or scientific. http://www.passionup.com/fun/fun4414.htm

"Neither your left brain nor your right brain are dominate. With few exceptions, you use both sides equally and have ability in both. In many ways, you have the best of both worlds, because you don't see things from a narrow viewpoint, you're even tempered, balanced, and you have a good head on your shoulders."

Hmm... seems v true to me, i'd excelled at maths n science when i was a kid(not a teen), then took an interest in the Arts as i was promoted to upper secondary, i always feel a tinge of pity everytime i think... ~sigh~ why did i discover my interest in the Arts so late.. especially the music part... I first discovered my fascination for chinese pop songs when i was primary 3 or 4, at my grandma's house when i heard the song by Huang2 An1, <新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦>, ever since then, i started listening to my uncle's Jacky cheung, Jimmy lin's CDs.. can say that this 2 were my 1st favs.... very meaningful lyrics some of these old songs have... ahh... suddenly tot of a old jimmy lin's song.. it goes like this..

昨天华山论剑 今天决战竞争 原来世界竟然那么小
去年你是天王 今年我是至尊 谁是谁非谁又能分清
飞来飞去 飞过高山飞过云朵看我多逍遥
爱来爱去 今天爱你明天爱他到底谁爱我
他们说人生一出戏又何必太认真 ......(forgot the rest, will edit it again when i remember...)

really find it extremely meaningful...and the mood of the song plus the singer's soothing voice, when listening to the song.. it can bring peace to a disturbed soul.
I picked up my first guitar and plucked a thing officially four years ago, at the age of seventeen, when i realized striking a chord with your own fingers on a woodwind stringed instrument can sound so melodious and resonant. I began to take interest in the guitar and played for leisure when i had the chance. Owned my 1st guitar a yr plus later, officially took up classical guitar on Sep 2002, at Cristofori with Mr Tan Ser Soon, and 19 months later, now at Grade 3... a distance from my target grade 8..

Actually my the instrument i really would love to learn is the piano, but alas fate does not work well with interests, and being a financially poor dude as I am, piano learning is out of the question. ~Sigh~ sad... But when my finance allows it, i'll definately take up piano, provided during that time, i am not too old.(so old liao still go n learn classical piano... paiseh la haha).

Hmm... just had a talk with Enen on msn.. something she said really touched my heart very deeply, she can't feel the 诚意 and 真诚 in me as a person, as a human being, u have to have these 2 and to 真实待人。 it means Sincerity and honestly, to be true to yourself and others(for readers who can't understand chinese[:) "Be true to yourself" many people can say this, but how many truely can achieve it in the true sense of the saying? I wonder. Anywaz, thanks to enen who bothered to chat with me on a lonely night.

-不是在每个漆黑的夜里，我都会感到孤寂但你偏偏在我需要你的夜里，填补了寂寞的空虚

4:29am

The Road Not Taken 3/27/2004

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler,long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I-I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion -Tv commercial

No priorities in life= No life? 3/26/2004
Fri 3:36am

Dear Diary,

Priorities! Priorities! I can't get my priorities clear.... just withdrew from the war in Shinei, no point fighting a losing battle. After paying off my liabilities, i'm now a peniless and jobless man... pain~ How am i going to achieve plan B?? Heaven knows... Anyway, later in the afternoon going to worm's hse to play guitar and hopefully write a song or work something out... and after play bball in Yishun in the evening.. Hmm... i think it's time to rethink my priorities and goals.. no point dwelling in finiancial figures when u can't achieve them, right? Better aim for things to enrich your life and soul. Yeah~

1)Concentrate on guitar playing, devote min an hr/day for practice, 2 would be ideal. Currently i'm practicing maybe.. hmm.. 1/2 an hr? 1 hr? maybe less.. in a week.. With the rate, i'll take eons to crawl out of the current level.. Oh yeah, need to get a guitar case too... *sigh* another 100bucks... -money..money..money......-

2)Hmm... anything more? Let me see.. wat else.. i'm trying my best to avoid touching on money.. really sad and sianz.. money dreams dashed.. *sigh* hmm... alright, 2nd priority to work on the relationship on GG, things are getting rather dull..it's becoming more of a personal challenge to me..hmm..

3)What else..? I really have no life, come to think of it.. only 2 priorities in life?!!?!? man..that's so uncool...ok let me work on these 2 things first.. i'll classify them them both under Important and slightly Urgent matters.. so.. alright.. nothing else..
Brother Darren is going to enlist next monday... This week is his last week... Hope to get Linda n Denise out for a last outing on sat... hmm.. alright nothing further out..

3:49am

Interference 3/24/2004
Wed 8:57am

It was the second day of the battle at Shinei. Eush rode up to the battlefield with his "so called" comrades, and surveyed the situation around him. Skyred is absent from combat today. It seemed troubles are still abrewing back home, and things are not going too smoothly for him. Eush can forget about reinforcements today.

The battlefield was laid with fresh corpses from both sides, bloody evidence of close skirmishes evident with each step. Eush trodded ahead slowly and deliberatly, his steed's hooves crushing the already dead bodies mercilessly. His build is that of a young lad, clad in a simple ebony tunic and rugged pants, Eush looked skinewly and even fragile, far from what one would expect of a warrior, especially one with such a fearsome reputation. What is even more amazing is his fair and unscarred complexion, unbelievably a fighter's skin. A far cry from Skyred indeed, totally opposite from his equivalent in all aspects.

"Borrrrrrkkk......." The war horns cried tearily as both sides blew their own trumpets. The battle has begun.

The sounds of battle engulfed the field. All anyone could hear was the sound of metal clanging against metal, or the sick sinking sound of steel into flesh. Eush rode on, his Sabre of Light waving around wildly, claiming it's fair share of war booty. All seemed well. Even without Skyred today, the fight looked to be totally in Eush's favour. Waves of waves of enemy reinforments arrived, only to be driven back in no time, the Rightous aura emmitted from Sabre of Light seemed to be seemed to be doing it's job well, improving the soldiers' morale with each fallen enemy rank. Victory is in grasp.

"Roar!" A defeaning warcry erupted from the distant, forcing the surrounding soldiers to cover their ears or risk bursting the eardrums, dropping their weapons while doing it. "Ahh!" "ahh!" "Ahh!" Men clad in armor starting to take to the skies, as if flung by an ungodly force. Ah Xiong has been awoken! Finally unable to tolerate the noises that were disturbing his slumber, an irritated Ah Xiong decided to remove what was causing the noise so that he could resume his sleep in peace.

Ranks and ranks were wiped out by Ah Xiong's Great paw. The advantage that had been so painstakenly fought for was gone in no time. Ah Xiong proceeded nearer and nearer to the bright light that was irritating him, the Sabre of Light held by Eush. "Woo hoo! Die Goblin..." chuckled Eush as he yet slew another enemy scum. Little did he know that he was going to face a fearsome foe very soon. "Roar!" Eush stumbled back in shock upon setting eyes on the creature that befaced him. A giantic brown bear with paws as big as a fully grown man stood before Eush. Trailing shortly behind the bear was a monstrocity that looked like a .. a lice... except that it was a giantic version of a the normal one. the lice looked harmless and sleepy... chanting "arul..arul.." as it trailed behind Ah Xiong. Probably sleepingwalking.

Without warning, Ah Xiong swiped his right paw at Eush, complete with 5 yellowish and deadly looking unkempt nails. Eush's combat instincts took over his shock immediately as the realisation of danger sank into him. Bright lights flashed before Eush, as pain clouded his eyes. The swipe had done it's job poorly, leaving 2 deep bleeding gashes on Eush's right forearm, when it could had taken the warrior's life. Hurt and no longer able to wield his sword, Eush ordered a retreat...

Tortured cries of goblinoid and monkeys could be heard throughout the night as Ah Xiong turned the battlefield into his personal amusement park......

"We won't be able to take Shinei tonight, a wasteful and meaningless battle was fought." Eush thought to himself quietly as the medic tended to his wounds, waiting for sunrise...

10"07am

Enlightened 3/23/2004
Tues 9:05am

From a certain MSN conversation:
Eush: Life nowadays v boring, like no meaning leh...
????: Make those around u happy loh.

When the people around you are happy, you'll naturally feel happy too.(the ultimate truth)

I don't know what she is thinking, and it annoys me sometimes... time to time i should question myself too, why am i not ready to commit? I found some truth and direction from a small incident at work today. Small as the incident may seem, it woke up something in me... i realized there are people around me who are not so fortunate, not as strong, not as clear headed as i am. From now on, i'll try my best to protect my loved ones and friends, to try to bring happiness to them... and maybe, maybe it is time to let go, to try and love someone.

No doubt, this is a tall order, but i'm setting my mind, body and soul to it... until the day i achieve it, or until the day my body goes back to mother nature, bringing my spirit with it ......whichever comes first =]

End 9:25am

Cristofori Students' Concert
Mon 2:18pm

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was Cristofori's concert day, reached civic centre at 2:10, i was 10minutes late, was directed by the school's staff to proceed straight to the convention hall in the library at B1. Guitar-gal was already there, waiting in the audience seats with the other girls, head lowered, looking downcast(as usual). I sat below deck, 1 row lower than them, made myself comfortable then closed my eyes and rested. (had only 4 hrs sleep the day!).

After tt Mr tan tuned our guitars and we had a run-thru for the actual thing later... Linying and ernest wanted to observe the next guitar grp so we listened to them bfore going to Mac's. They weren't so good. =P Lunch was on Mr tan. (thank you teacher!)After a satisfying meal, Mr tan talked about his way up as a guitar teacher, about his ex-teachers, and some of his life philosophies as usual... and we listened. =] At about 5pm, we went up to the school, to tune our guitars and wait for 6pm to enter the convention hall. Ernest, linyin n jerrad were v cheerful n joyous, they reminded me of my childhood days...

Backstage was smaller than i expected, stoned and stoned there while waiting for out turn, it was boring indeed. I glanced at Guitar-gal from time to time, she seemed so forever cold and sad, i wonder wat going on in her mind from time to time, mysterious indeed... Based on my analysis and experience from "explaining" people's behaviour, she is the low self-esteem and confidence type of pple, but there is something else i can't figure.. and it bothers me to some extend......

Alright, concert over, Mr tan says it's a success.. yeah! Congratulations to all of us! Found out tt Jiayi is only 16, wow, doesn't look so young hehe.. and also kaiting is joining my class.. 4-5pm.. eh... now got 2 pple live in yishun haha... she can accompany guitar-gal home now.. oh man.. cool~ haha just don't say bad things abt me.. keke

2:46pm

I feel for you

Found this sometime back, written by a Rei Majimaz... i wonder the meaning of some of the proses...


---I feel f0r you---
Only so many times
tt I can say I long for you
E rose among the thorns
E prey among the wolves

Someday, I will feed a snake
Drink her venom, stay awake
With time all pain will fade
From your memory will I fade?

Barely cold in ur place
Barely warm in my bed
Settling for a draw tonight
Puppet girl, your strings are mine

This one is for you, for you,
Only for you
Just give in to it.. never think again
I feel for you

By: Rei_Majimaz

如果你还爱我

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了，也知道自己在你心里已不重要。虽然我们曾经相聚过，但是对於你来说，已经没有设么值得回忆。我抬着一颗沉重的心走了。我知道自己没有勇气道别离。虽然我们曾经拥有过，但是对於你来说，已经没有设么值得回忆。

难道早已注定，不能真正拥有你？难道我真心付出一切，只为了承受孤单和寂寞？我知到，你不敢对我坦白，是不要看到我的伤怀，虽然你没有说要离开我， 我已经感到你不再属於我。

如果你还爱我，你不会对我如此的冷漠，又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊？如果你还爱我，你不会对我如此的冷漠，我只能含着眼泪默默的离开。。。

唱：光良

Idle writing
Wed 5:14am

Hi diary,

Just reached home after a long chatting, soy bean drinking session with mohd rashid... I was bathing halfway when i felt something on my arm, it felt sharp, like little hooks. When i looked, waaa~ a lizard on my arm! All my six senses instinctively went Mayday, and i brushed the lizard off my arm(imagine a karate chop delivered sideways onto the reptile's side), flinging it to a white container lying innocently at a corner of the toilet. The lizard, shocked by my unexpected retaliation, ran for camoflague behind the bleach container, hoping his predator couldn't see him. I hurriedly dried myself and fled, couldn't continue to bathe after this rude surprise. hahaha...

By recommendation from Guitar gal, we had carrot cake at C.W.pt Kopitiam on Sun after the concert rehersal. Well.. it wasn't as good as expected, definately not worth the $3... Well, after knowing her for sometime, she seems a decent girl, and i hope she can be my special someone. Well anyway, i asked for her opinion, since i've already made my feelings known to her. Maybe i was being too hasty, and the atmosphere and environment doesn't seem right at tt time, well... she said she wanted to be friends first. Sigh~ maybe it's me, maybe it's she, maybe it's the timing... wished i knew.. Moral of the story? Don't talk about bgr when eating bad carrot cake..

I'm getting sick of this factory job, leaves me with little time and the working environment seems to irritate my skin a lot... I'll probably leave soon... As soon as i find a reasonably gd part time job.

Went to the doctor today and got 2 days leave off work, went ktv with Shawn n Jason, had a sore throat at first but it unbelievable went away after the singing session! wow! I love to sing, it's fun to sing a song in different ways and different tones, expressing the song in a variety of ways, albeit like writing... Singing can be addictive, and writing too... as i slowly realize ever since i start writing online. Seriously i have not been writing for many years, ever since sec 4 English O' lvs essay if my memory didn't fail me. hahaha~ oh yeah, i wrote a 20min creative writing piece last yr for entry into FSV, almost forgot~ Secondary school seemed like yesterday when in reality, 4yrs plus had already passed, those were interesting and memorable days...

wow, i just spent 40mins writing, unbelievable~ haha, alright, gotta sleep now. gd nite diary~

5:56am

Lost

Sitting by the windowside, wished i've got the future sight, i won't be in this sorry sight. I wished you could see my plight. Depression starts to take control, imagination loses control, i'm beginning to lose my hold....

The night is dark, the darkness's overwhelming me... goodness is nigh, evil slowly crept inside...... i'm losing myself....

A week of Life 3/2/2004
10:37am Morning

Dear Diary,

First of all, i would like to congratulate myself for the End of the Empowering Rash. Boy, am i glad!

Ahh.. here i am, sitting in a comfy couch, with the cool morning breeze in my face, appreciating music, playing DSL and surfing at the same time, oh wait. Let me get a drink first... Alright, i'm back.

At this point of time, i feel at peace with myself and the feeling of serenity is present. Hey this is life, what more can i ask for? To be at peace with yourself. After two weeks of monotonous work in Shinei(the factory i'm working in) Co. , followed by a week of bad rashes, this week sure seems like the best thing that has happened to me for some time... I'm currently resting for the whole week before starting work again next Monday.

Updates for the past few days..

Sunday:

Having been cooped up in the house so long, i finally couldn't take the boredom and met mohd Rashid for a drink at the wdl regional library at Civiv Ctr. The library is good, i recommend it for it's wide selection of fiction and condusive studying environment. The library even have "project/meeting rooms" where u and your studying kakis can study without distractions in a private room equiped with several chairs and a meeting size table. A great place indeed. After that, went to play pool for an hr, $9.20, quite ex actually.. walked around for a while before we proceed to have an early dinner at Sakae Sushi on 7th floor of cwp. Had Teriyaki chix noodle while rahid had a fried chix set. The food frm this branch was not outstanding but delicious enough. Went home after tt, satisfied n full. =] Watched variety Big Bro~

Monday:

Went to National Skin Ctr at 2pm via cab for a photo test, essensially it a test to check whether ur skin is allergic to sunlight. Test lasted quite awhile. After tt met bro Jason to lim kopi in Wdls at around 5 plus... talked about some life theories and philosophies bfore catching at cathy cwp. , i'll recommend it for hip-hopsters n pple who like to watch pple dancing/babes... Watched "cross-junction road" by jacky wu den slept~

Tuesday:

Went NSC for test reading, test results showed negative as expected.. i asked for a week mc but didn't get it, got excuse oil x 1 wk instead... luckily i managed to settle w the company n got "MC". After tt met worm and tianhong for Sushi buffet at Sakae(again.. Haha).. It was VERY filling, we ate abt $80+ worth of sushi, 40 plates.. excluding dessert considering we paid abt $60 in total... alright la.. though i think we could had done better hehe .. went library borrowed bks, went ard e pasar malam.. nothin much.. expt quite surprised there was noone selling pirated cds.. 1st time sia~ sat down n tok cock at Civic ctr Mac.. went home 10pm plus, watched Guess guess gUeSs and thn slept.. (v impressed by the harmonica guy in e show!)

Alright, so tt's it... hmm, wonder wat i'll do today.. hehe, going to enjoy this week bfore going bk~ see la.. oh yea~ ciaoz~

End 11:07am